Socal Mom by Donna Schwartz Mills

The Cost of Having a Teen Driver

My daughter came home from school on Monday with a handful of flyers advertising driving schools -- and thus began yet another rite of passage.

Back in ancient times (40 years ago, when I was her age), Driver's Ed and Driver's Training were both offered through the high school. In fact, the former was a required course of all 10th graders. This, of course, was before the passage of Proposition 13 and the gradual elimination of programs that do not add value to a student's college application. 

We families are now footing the bill for the required education a young driver needs to be issued a license at 16. Maybe that's the way it should be; after all, we're the ones who are using the service. But another way of looking at it is that having educated drivers benefits everyone in the State. I'm also told that kids who have taken the courses and obtain their licenses at 16 have a better driving record than people who wait until they're 18 (and are not required to have the state approved training). 

I don't have any statistics for that -- it's just something I've been told. I don't want to find out otherwise, so I'm just going to leave it at that.

Anyway, she will be 15 and one half in a few days and has decided she's ready for this step. I think she's ready, too.

I'M the one with the problem.

Don't get me wrong: I think she will be a careful and responsible driver. 

It's the hit to my pocketbook that has me seeing stars.

The cost of online driver's ed plus the required six hours of hands-on instruction a teenager needs to obtain a license at 16 runs from $400-$500. Friends have advised me that classroom instruction is superior to independent online study; that option costs considerably more.

By booking her training off one of the flyers she brought home, I received a nice discount: I felt relieved to be charged just $350. (She said she preferred the flexibility of studying online, and she is pretty disciplined, so I feel good about going with that option.)

But the cost of the training is just the tip of the iceberg. Once she gets that license, we will need to deal with insurance.

I was happy to pretend this wasn't a looming issue...

...but today was the day I planned on paying monthly bills -- and our bank is having some issues with their computer system.

You may have heard of Bank of America's newly announced debit card fees, which may or may not have something to do with their computers crashing today? 

As of 3:00, I still was unable to get into their system. Fortunately, I only had one bill that can't wait until Monday: Our auto insurance premium. And as I waited until the last minute to pay (typical!), an old-fashioned snail mail check might not get there on time. So I called the insurance company and paid by phone...

...and while I had them on the line, I asked them to give me an estimate of how much I will need to budget for a newly minted teen driver.

The good news: While she is on her learner's permit, there is no additional cost to us. She's now been added to our policy in that capacity.

But when she gets her license, our premiums are going to DOUBLE. Instead of paying $2400 per year, we'll be paying closer to $5,000.

The premium would be somewhat less if we buy her a car of her own (with the understanding that she will not get behind the wheel of either of our vehicles). However, we'd still be on the hook to buy her a car, so the savings aren't going to be that much.

So... the kid can get her license. But it may not do her a lot of good.

The Shopping Trip: We Turn a Corner on Adolescence

Some women shop for sport and pleasure. I used to, back when I was in my 20's and single, and didn't bat an eye at purchasing an outfit that would cost my entire (admittedly meager) paycheck. Oh yes, I saw a lot of myself in Carrie Bradshaw -- even if the money I spent on my shoes was just a teeny tiny fraction of just one pair of her Manolos.

But my days of shopping for fun ended years ago: when I realized that there was little paycheck left after paying for a mortgage and other grown-up expenses... and those days were definitely over when I ceased getting a paycheck of my own and became a stay-at-home mom.

I realized then that there was no point in shopping "for fun" because it's not fun when you don't have any disposable income -- and it was easier to resist temptation if I simply stayed away from those enticing window displays and sale banners. 

That's also when I stopped subscribing to women's magazines, which seemed hell bent on getting me to part with my money for stuff I didn't actually need. 

When I was in my 20's I wondered why married women didn't seem to care about looking fashionable. In my 40's, I finally got it.

That's not to say I keep out of marketplace entirely. Eventually, I need to replace my stuff when it wears out or have a need for a specific item for a specific occasion. That's when I'll power through my favorite stores, find what I need and then get the hell out of there, before I feel tempted to buy something else.

But shopping for my daughter is another matter. For one thing, kids need stuff ALL THE TIME and then when you think you're all finished shopping for them, they outgrow their wardrobes and you have to start all over again.

On top of that, in the beginning, shopping for my baby girl was fun, because everything looked adorable on her. It was like having a real, live baby doll that I could dress and play with. 

Then she got older and developed a mind of her own and decided what she liked to wear. That was cool; I want her to think for herself. But as she hit middle school, it became a little bit irritating that she seemed to automatically dismiss anything I thought would look nice on her. I learned to stay out of her way and let her select her own clothes -- every once in a while, she would hit on something I would have picked out for her (which she would have hated if I did not let her discover it for herself).

For the last couple of years, she's done most of her shopping on her own, with friends. If I am with her, I don't even enter the store until she's found what she likes and needs someone to pay for it.

With school starting in mid-August, we did not have an immediate need for back to school clothes. She's been getting by with the same shorts and t-shirts she wore all summer. But last week, she announced she wanted to buy some new jeans and long-sleeved shirts. As her teachers have loaded her up with so much homework that she's usually up past midnight studying, I suggested Saturday would be a good day to buy these things.

"Do you want to invite some of your friends to go with you?" I asked.

"No, I can do it faster if we just go alone," she said.

Fair enough. 

I suggested we bypass the local mall (which doesn't have a huge selection) and maybe go down to Santa Monica, because that would feel like more of a fun outing. She agreed.

So we spent Saturday morning at Santa Monica Place, and it was an extraordinary excursion for a couple of reasons.

1. It was a bit chilly that morning, and my daughter decided she wanted a new jacket. We found a cute pleather bomber-style one, which I was happy to buy and she was happy to wear. This is a huge departure from her middle school years, when she refused to wear any kind of cover up on even the coldest, wettest days.

2. When she hit the stacks of jeans at PacSun, she did something that would have been unthinkable just a few months ago. She asked me to stick around, because she wanted my opinion on how they looked on her.

You wouldn't believe how incredibly happy this made me. They were having a "buy one, get one 50% off" sale, so I convinced her to get two (although one pair was technically "jeggings," a word that makes Glennia Campbell laugh).

We ended up having lunch in one of the nice restaurants atop the mall and returned home in plenty of time for her to resume her studying.

It was the most fun I've had shopping in years.

The Long, Hot Summer

San Fernando Valley high schools start back up on August 15.

I can't wait.

It's not that I don't love having my daughter home. It's just that I can't get used to her being home ALL THE TIME, and doing absolutely NOTHING. 

It's driving me crazy. 

And I think it's making her a little bit crazy, too. I didn't realize how much until this week, when she began a second round of tennis team tryouts. I have an engaged, energetic teenager again (instead of the lethargic, blase recluse of the last couple of weeks). 

I wish she had taken some of my suggestions to sign up for activities to keep her busy this summer. But you parents of teens know the drill: if it's your idea, (to your child) it's gotta be bad. I have learned that there are times when I just need to shut up and allow her to figure the world out on her own.

But knowing when those times are is really, really hard.

I'm just looking forward to the start of school, which will bring back some structure into our lives.

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To my readers: My blog has been nominated as one of the Top 25 SoCal Mom blogs at the Circle of Moms community. I hate to ask, because it's a popularity contest and I always lose at those, so I prefer not to even try -- but I can't help myself. Would you mind taking a few moments to vote for  me? How about every day between now and August 11? Click here.

Meet Me at the Prom

“You can get married as many times as you want. You only get one shot at your junior prom.”
    -- Quinn Fabray (Dianna Agron) on “Glee”

One of the challenges of writing on assignment is that those assignments often consist of topics that, if left to my own devices, I'd never choose to write about.

An example of that arrived in my Inbox a couple of weeks ago, when Kim Prince, my indefatigable editor at CBS Los Angeles, emailed me this plea:

"Can you do a prom post?  You have the kid who's closest in age to that!"

Well, uh... that's true. But my Freshman daughter claims she doesn't even know anyone who attended her school's prom this year.

And as I pointed out to Kim, I didn't even go to my own prom, which was held at the local brewery.

More accurately, it was at the San Fernando Valley location of Busch Gardens, which was torn down in the 1980's to allow for expansion of Anheuser-Busch's Van Nuys facility.

I was a geek in high school who spent the evening of my senior prom working a lonely night shift on my part time job as a clerk in a five and dime store (remember those? No? It was like a teeny, tiny, Target.)

My best friend and her date made a point of coming down to the store to visit me and show off their beautiful prom clothes. I believe he ended up ditching her at the dance so he could make out with some other girl who was there. So it was not a good night for either of us.

The bottom line is that the only thing I know about the grand American high school tradition of Prom is what I've seen in movies and television... and the usual focus of a CBS Los Angeles post is in the form of a "Five Best" article. As I related to Kim, how do I do that when all I have to go by is the word, "prom"?

Kim was just as perplexed. She did jump on the recollection of my own prom with the idea of unique locations, wondering if there are any cool L.A. prom traditions.

Damned if I knew... but the gauntlet had been thrown. I took the challenge, and the post is now live... minus the following introduction (which was too long for CBS -- but I tend to overwrite stuff, with the thought that it's easier to cut than add):

Spring prom season is winding to an end, and one thing is certain: Prom has changed since “Back to the Future,” when Marty McFly’s parents fell in love at the “Under the Sea” dance.

And that makes 21st Century proms a lot more expensive. According to a recent survey from Visa, Inc., the average prom expenditure in Western states (for both boys and girls) is $1,073.

Some of that money goes for the formal dress, and it’s de rigueur these days to hire a limo (or pool resources for a party bus). Add in flowers, hair styling and makeup, a nice meal before the dance, and the actual event tickets, and it’s easy to see how quickly costs can get out of hand.

The idea of a limo might seem extravagant, but many parents think of it as a safety measure. Of course, no one condones underage drinking, and before students can purchase tickets at most schools, they are required to sign prom contracts that specify all the rules: from drinking to dress codes to age limits for their dates.

Read the rest of the post at CBS Los Angeles - Best of Family.

Another Reason I Hate the Cuts to School Funding

Yesterday, I wrote a post for Moms LA about California's budget crisis and what it means for public education, where I ranted about how all the previous cuts to LAUSD's operating funds have affected my child's public school experience.

I received another example when the mail arrived.

"School records indicate that your child was absent from school without a valid excuse on 3 occasions, beginning with the following dates:

12/9/2010
12/16/2010
3/3/2011

Based on Section 48260 of the Education Code, we are required to inform you that your child is legally truant." 

Whenever my daughter misses a day of school, I receive not one, but TWO robocalls informing me of this. This has occurred every time she's been home sick, and every time she's missed a class for a doctor or dental appointment.

I never received a call that I did not expect -- so if she was absent on these days, it must have been for a good reason. And I'm diligent about writing her a note so she can get back into class.

I can look back at my calendar and see when her scheduled medical appointments were.  She did not have any on these days. And I don't keep a record of the days she stays home sick. 

But the fact that I did not receive any unexpected calls from the attendance office tells me that this is a mistake. After all, this is the kid whose worst grade since beginning high school has been a B  in Algebra 2. And that B has gotten into her bonnet to such an extent that I can tell it really pisses her off.

I have to fight to get her to stay home when she's sick, because she does not want to miss anything that might be on one of her tests.

The bottom line is that this is not the kind of kid who cuts class (although I'm not stupid enough to think that will always be the case... but right now, it is).

I was pretty sure this was a mistake. And the letter made it clear I needed to let them know. For one thing, the school seems to be assuming that we're both guilty of something criminal:

In addition to Ed. Code Article 48260.5, mandates that we notify you of the following information:

That the parent or guardian is obligated to compel the attendance of the pupil at school.

That parents or guardians who fail to meet these obligations may be guilty of an infraction and subject to prosecution pursuant to Article 6 (commending with Section 48290) of Chapter 2 or Part 27.

That alternative education programs are available in the district.

That the parent or guardian has the right to meet with appropriate school personnel to discuss solutions to the pupil's truancy. 

That the pupil may be subject to prosecution under Education Code Section 48264.

That the pupil may be subject to suspension, restriction, or delay of the pupil's driving privilege pursuant to Section 13202.7 of the Vehicle Code.

That it is recommended that the parent or guardian accompany the pupil to school and attend classes with the pupil for one day.

The letter concluded with a number to call to resolve this issue. 

The problem is, when you call the number, you are directed to another number... and that one is answered by a recording, so you never get to speak to a live person.

I get it. The most recent budget cuts resulted in a reduced office staff at the school. (These cuts are not to be confused with the ones last year, the year before, or the so-called "Doomsday Budget" we'll have in 2011-12, if the state GOP refuses to go along with extending current temporary taxes and fees that were implemented to solve a previous budget battle.)

I thought it was telling that the dates in question all occurred after three of the five people staffing the Attendance Office were let go. I decided to drop by the school to see if I could actually talk to one of the ones who was left.

I arrived around 1:30, and the office was bustling. There were at least two other parents clutching similar letters from the District (they must have all gone out at the same time). I waited my turn and tried to stay calm when it finally came. 

The woman behind the counter seemed as frustrated as I. "Do you have an account online? You can check on your student there," she told me.

I knew about that system, but had never signed up for it because I didn't feel I needed to check up on my daughter.

She sighed and handed me an application for the online account, which had to be brought in to the on-campus Parent Center to be activated. I would go there after this visit - but first, we took a look at my daughter's records there in the office.

Apparently, she was marked "Absent - No Valid Excuse" (truant) for single periods on those dates. I realized how naive I sounded when I insisted that my daughter does not cut class. By this time, I had expressed some sympathy for the clerk's predicament (overworked and overwhelmed because the office is  now so under-staffed). She had softened her attitude toward me.

"You know, sometimes the teacher just marks it wrong. And other times, it's an input error here in the office."  She motioned to a stack of excuse notes in her in-basket. It was nearly a foot high. "We're two weeks behind in processing these," she sighed.

Unfortunately, because each of these absences occurred in a single period during the day, a note from the parent isn't going to get them removed from her record. A "Student Attendance Correction Form" on dayglo green paper for each of the absences has to be filled out and signed by the teacher in question. 

I grabbed the paperwork, activated my online parent account and waited for school to end so I could fill my daughter in on what was going on.

She was as puzzled by it as I was.

The third accused absence was reported by her PE teacher. She remembered the occasion as one when she was working on a project in another class and had a legitimate excuse. She was certain this one would be easy to clear.

But the two absences on subsequent Tuesdays in December are a mystery. For one thing, they were reported by a teacher she doesn't even have. Another reason to think it's a mistake.

"Can't you take the form to the teacher you DO have and get him to signify that you were there?"

"He won't remember," she said. "The last time someone gave him one of these, he told him it was too long ago, and he wouldn't sign it." 

I tried to argue with her that the teacher has to have some records, but she refused to take those forms, arguing that since she's never had the teacher that reported her missing, she had no one to sign off on it.

I personally think this is a function of her own reticence to make waves. She is my kid, after all.

But someone needs to correct the record. 

So this afternoon, I'll be back in the attendance office. I'm hoping the fact that the name of the teacher is wrong is all the proof I need that her truancy was a big fat mistake.

And I will continue to do all I can to stop the gutting of our public schools.