Socal Mom by Donna Schwartz Mills

A Tale of Two High Schools

This is not a good time to be a student in my state.

The University of California is jacking up tuition by 20% (in addition to the rate hike students and their families absorbed earlier this year) while cutting classes and services.

And it was announced yesterday that our budget woes continue to worsen: we're back to a $21 billion deficit.

The beleaguered Los Angeles Unified School District held a meeting last week where they told their employees to expect even more job losses in 2010. Class sizes are escalating to silly proportions, and although the District has made gains in test scores recently, all of this bad news does not bode well for continued improvement.

What's a mother to do?

It is a sad state of affairs that Los Angeles can boast of some of the state's best public schools...and many of its worst. If you live in an affluent neighborhood, you've got some pretty good choices. If you don't, you're basically screwed. It is a situation that endures after decades of hand-wringing and reforms that never seem to do the trick.

Complaining about LAUSD is something of a local sport -- no one ever gets hurt by dissing the District, and some people benefit from it. Pointing out the flaws in the school system is a sure way to sell a lot of papers, garner good ratings, and get yourself elected.

And yet...

Test scores are not truly indicative of a school's quality, or the effectiveness of any given teacher. Yes, some teachers should be forced to retire and some administrators are ineffective. But most of the people I've met at LAUSD are sincere in their desire to help our children reach the heights of their potential... they are just hamstrung by bureaucracy, politics, red tape, history and budget woes.

This is on my mind today because Megan starts high school next fall, and we need to figure out where she will go. Our neighborhood high school is not a viable option. Despite what I said above about test scores, I don't want to send her to a poorly performing school when there are "better" ones nearby. And even if I did, it would be like moving to a new town and starting fresh. She's been attending school outside our neighborhood since kindergarten, so she doesn't know anybody who will be going there.

So we've been shopping around.

A couple of weeks ago, we visited the other high school in our zip code, which went charter several years ago and so doesn't have to answer to most of LAUSD's arcane rules. It also doesn't share the district's budget problems. I've heard through the grapevine that this school began the year with a $2.5 million surplus. Class sizes are smaller than the District average, equipment is new and maintained, and nobody is talking about teacher cuts.

When we got to the campus, we were impressed by how clean and well organized it was. It has the feel of an exclusive prep school. The teaching staff (at least, the ones we were able to observe) are young, enthusiastic and engaged. The students (at least, the ones we met) were neat, polite and articulate. The word that came to mind was "disciplined." They reminded me a bit of the scene in "The Sound of Music," when Maria has her first meeting with the regimented Von Trapp children.

We were given an informational packet that ran down the school's graduation requirements (which echo the prerequisites for getting into the CSU and UC systems), explained the summer transition academy (MANDATORY for all incoming freshmen - "Do not schedule any vacations during this time!"), stats on test scores and college admission rates (a whopping 96% of the students go on to higher education), and an explanation of the three ways an out-of-neighborhood student can apply.

One of these is a magnet. LAUSD instituted this program 30 years ago after years of turmoil over Federally imposed busing and massive white flight to private schools.The idea was that high quality, smaller specialty programs within a school would attract students from all over the District, including those from more affluent (i.e., white) families who might otherwise opt out of the system. As the purpose of the program is to achieve racial balance, the magnets receive Federal funding that has allowed them to thrive despite the budgetary problems of the rest of the District.

The program has been wildly successful - so much, that as my friend Marsha (@sweatpantsmom) asserts, they have resulted in a further decline of neighborhood schools, as the best and brightest students are drained away to magnets. 

She's right. She's also right when she says that a small group of dedicated parents can do wonders to turn around an under-performing school. That said, it's not an easy task and I'm not willing to gamble my daughter's future on the proposition that I could make a huge difference at our neighborhood school.

Some Los Angeles magnet schools have developed into the state's best. Balboa Gifted Magnet in Northridge consistently shows up as one of the top public elementary schools in all of California. It's very difficult to get into. According to this year's "Choices" brochure (sent to every LAUSD family so they have an opportunity to apply to the program), in 2008 there were 1789 applications for a school that has 267 openings in 2010-11.

Popular magnet schools select their applicants through a complicated points and lottery system. As they need to achieve racial balance, there are quotas established for the different major ethnic groups in the city, and they change each year as the school population changes. Specialized magnets for gifted or highly gifted children have additional testing and grade requirements that must be met before a student can be accepted.

Many of Megan's friends transferred to Balboa when they were eligible in first and second grade. We applied, but never won the lottery. Fortunately, LAUSD has another program for high achieving students who (for whatever reason) do not attend a gifted magnet. It's called School for Advanced Studies (SAS), and is a kind of honors program within a campus. The SAS kids pretty much stick together throughout their academic career. Unlike the magnet program, there is no mandate that it be racially balanced. It receives little, if any, Federal funding and so is at the mercy of the LAUSD budget.

We were not impressed with our little neighborhood elementary school the year our daughter entered kindergarten. The playground was unkempt and the PTA lady who showed us around the school was very negative about everything. There was no SAS program. We were afraid to send her there.

We ended up in an SAS at a school three miles west, and aside from the fact that every time Megan established a best friend she transferred to Balboa, these were happy and productive years. Even so, we continued to send in our Choices application each December. That was so we could rack up points for the transition to middle school.

In the spring, we were informed we were waitlisted for the magnet of our choice, which had accepted Megan's current best friend. Fortunately, the middle school just up the street from our home does have an SAS program, and we felt comfortable sending her there. The only thing I stressed about was the fact that only a couple of kids she knew would also be attending.

When your children are little, you have a lot of control over who they hang out with. If there's something you don't like about a kid or her parents, you simply don't schedule a playdate there. By the time your kid starts middle school, that power is long gone. You just have to hope that the kids your child chooses to spend time with are nice. And if you like their parents too, that's a bonus.

A couple of weeks into the summer of '07, we got a call from the magnet middle school informing us that they had an opening for Megan, if she wanted it. She was away at gymnastics camp at the time (with her friend Maggie), so I had to wait until evening to ask her how I should respond. The squealing on the other end of the phone said it all. She's been at the magnet ever since, and couldn't be happier.

Which brings us back to the tour of the charter high school, which is just a couple of blocks away from the SAS elementary school we attended through fifth grade. Most of our friends live within that school's boundaries, so they are assured a spot there... and Megan would go in already having lots of friends.

The charter school has both an SAS program and a rigorous math and science magnet. Their students are required to take four years of both subjects (while the District only asks for three years of math and two years of lab science). "Do not apply to this magnet if your child doesn't LOVE math and science," the counselors warned us.

Megan is strong in these subjects, but I don't think they make her heart sing. We will not be wasting our one magnet application by applying there. The good news is that we can try to get in through both an SAS application and open enrollment.

The bad news: The charter school has approximately 100 openings in each of the three programs, each of which historically receives about 1,000 applications. Selection is by lottery. So we have a 1 in 10 chance of getting in -- not too good.

We embarked on a second high school magnet tour yesterday. This school is about five miles from home, in a neighborhood that's seen better days. Test scores for the school as a whole are not so good... but the magnet, which offers a humanities curriculum, has an excellent track record.

If the charter school was like the Von Trapp household before Maria, the humanities magnet reminded me of the kids in play clothes made from floral draperies. This magnet takes an interdisciplinary approach to teaching. According to the brochure contained in the parent packet, 9th grade requirements include "an innovative science course...that demonstrates the connection between biology, geography, and the development of civilization."

In most classes, they don't use the state textbooks. Classrooms are arranged with desks facing the middle, to encourage active participation and debate. Again, I was impressed by the enthusiasm and energy of all the teachers we observed.

We sat in on a class that combined the study of art and religion. One teacher came out to tell us how his students are examining the nature of humanity through the lenses of Stendhal, Freud and Marx. The magnet coordinator boasted that his school's kids consistently outscore the charter school (with the math and science magnet) on the AP Calculus exam. The classroom walls are decorated with fanciful student-designed murals and pop art sculptures.

I LOVED this school, as did some of the other parents I knew on the tour. Megan and her friends did, too - although they're a bit worried about the strong writing requirements, which include 10-page essays at the end of each teaching module and more homework than I ever thought possible (four hours or more per night). I have a different attitude about this now that gymnastics is no longer a part of our lives. It's high school and college prep. They can bring it on.

Best of all - the magnet coordinator practically guaranteed acceptance."If you truly want truly want to go here, you'll get in," he said.

For the first time in a while, I'm feeling good about our prospects. I hope that lasts.

This month's Yahoo! Motherboard theme is the state of public education in an era of huge budget cuts. Here are some other posts on the topic:

• Hormone Colored Days: Parenting Gifted Children. Advocating for Gifted Children
• It's All About Balance: Arts in Education

Friday the 13th

I hadn't noted yesterday's date until I was buying groceries that morning. I chuckled silently to myself as the checker and the shopper in front of me talked about the perils of leaving the house.

When I look back at 2009, I'm going to think of it as the year when EVERY day was Friday the 13th.

Of course, that's an exaggeration. The Mills family has had some good days this year -- even some that could be described as "fun."

But I had a really hard time finding happy posts to link to in the last sentence. I struggle with keeping a positive attitude in the best of times, and thanks to the triple whammy of problems with health and home and recession, 2009 could not even remotely be described as a good year.

Megan was feeling the same way on Thursday. For one thing, I had to get her out of school a little early to go the dentist. But her sad mood was deeper than dental dread.

"You're going to be mad at me," she said.

That got me worried.

"My new shoes were stolen," she said, nearly choking back tears.

She loved those shoes. We spent a lot of time shopping, and when we couldn't find the pair she wanted, she went online to the Converse website and created a custom pair that was just her own. It cost about twice what I would have paid at Target.

Our middle school has a uniform requirement, which is one of the things we parents like about it. I feel we've had an easy time of school shopping because of it. But Megan is finally starting to think about expressing herself through clothes. I know that will sound funny to moms of kindergarteners who always want to dress up in fairy princess costumes, but my daughter never went through that phase. She wasn't the kind of kid who cared for wearing fancy dresses; she never played with makeup. (Although she did love to make a mess in the bathroom, creating new "perfumes" by mixing together all the scented shampoo/bath oil/body wash/etc. she could get her hands on.)

I think all that time she spent in gymnastics left her with little energy to contemplate the image she was projecting to the world. Now, she's got plenty of time -- but little opportunity. The only items where the school allows her some creativity are in her choice of backpack... and shoes. So I gave in.

It took about three weeks for the shoes to arrive. Thursday was only the second day she wore them. When she finished PE class, she discovered that someone had taken them out of her locker. No, it was not locked.

"I never lock it. No one ever takes anything," she said. She knows now that some people do, if you come to school with something they want.

"It doesn't matter if they lock it up," our dental hygienist said sympathetically. "My niece has had two cellphones and an iPod lifted from her locked locker. These kids are criminals. They know exactly what to take and how to take it."

We're shopping for shoes again. This time, she's going to settle for whatever is on sale.

Keep Your Mind on the Wheel

The very admirable Cooper and Emily (of The Motherhood social networking site) have begun a new safety behind-the-wheel campaign:

The idea behind Mom Sends the MSG is that auto safety begins with US. Kids model OUR behavior... and if WE'RE setting a bad example by being scofflaws behind the wheel, how can we expect our kids to follow the letter of the law (and safe driving) once they get their licenses?

This is a subject that is near and dear to me (as my own daughter will attest). We live down the hill from a middle school, and when we were shopping for our house, we didn't think to visit between the hours of 7:00 and 8:00 a.m. Had we seen steady of procession of cars barreling high speed up and down our street each morning, I don't think we would have bought it! 

Over the years, I've written plenty of rants about the way people drive around schools: the folks who seem to think that red zones don't matter when they are dropping off or picking up their kids... the ones who park in crosswalks... make illegal U-turns... and jaywalk. (And don't get me started on people who don't stop at stop signs!)

I am outraged by parents who do all they can to ensure their own kids' safety -- but don't give a hoot about anyone else's.

And then there are cellphones. I have to confess that in the past, I have tweeted from the car while stuck at a red light... but I ended that practice a long time ago. One factor was last year's train accident a few miles from my home, when it turned out the operator had been texting someone instead of paying attention.

But another factor is that I simply cannot handle the distraction. I don't even like talking on a hands-free cellphone when I'm driving and recently stopped bringing my bluetooth along. (So if you are trying to reach me between 7:30 and 8:30 on Monday through Friday, leave a message... I will call you back when I'm safe at home.)

I'm happy to take the pledge to model good driving behavior - and urge you to do so, too here.

Can I Just Sleep In Until Labor Day?

Summer used to be a rather peaceful time in the Mills household. Without the threat of being marked tardy at school, we could sleep in a little later... and then Megan and I would mosey on down to her gym, where I would drop her off for her daily training.

I would then have a luxurious FIVE kid-free hours to take care of business: to work, to blog, to run errands, etc. And when I picked her up, we would still have a good part of the afternoon to play.

I am still in mourning for that comfortable routine. July was bad enough, as tennis camp was only three hours a day, which barely gave me any time at all (because, let's face it - it takes me nearly an hour to wind myself UP to work mode). I cut a lot of corners in July, missed out on a lot of reading, and neglected this blog in favor of my paying job... and never did feel like I was catching up.

Well, tennis camp has ended and Megan doesn't have any activities set up for August... and she's driving me CRAZY.

It's not that I'm not enjoying spending time with my daughter. She's a good kid and is a lot of fun to be around. But she has a lot of nervous energy in that slender little body of hers, and she's not getting enough activity. She's jumpy, she's having trouble getting to sleep at night... and, I'm afraid, she's getting bored.

So I'm accepting every invitation for appropriate events that come my way. Monday, I dragged her to a private party at BLD Restaurant, where we sampled designer milkshakes created by the restaurant's chef, Mariah Swan.

Fortunately, she was not the only kid at the event -- and there was even another 13-year-old girl for her to hang with (thanks to Sweatpants Mom and her two daughters for being there, too!)

This event was sponsored by the folks behind the Got Milk? campaign, who prove time and again that it doesn't take expensive swag to get a mommy blogger's attention.  We will drive across town for lattes and cappuccinos, too. The restaurant served nine different variations of blended milk and ice cream - and have posted some of the recipes on their website here.

Unfortunately, the mommy bloggers' favorite recipe is not on the site, but I was able to finagle it from one of the publicists. This one was NOT served to the kiddies:

Caramel Tequila Milkshake
Serves 2
1 pint vanilla ice cream
½ cup caramel sauce
½ cup milk
2 shots of tequila
To finish: whipped cram

Directions: Combine all ingredients in a blender and pulse until combined. Divide between 2 glasses and top with whipped cream.

Tomorrow, we are attending a Nintendo event at the La Brea Tar Pits, in honor of the company's newly released Fossil Fighters game for the DS. Thanks to countless school field trips, Megan has kind of OD'd on the tar pit experience, but I promised her we'd follow up with a shopping trip at the nearby Grove.

After that - I've got nothing... other than the knowledge that school doesn't start back up until SEPTEMBER 9 (!)

Heaven help us.

How I Spent My Blogging Vacation

This has been one of those weeks when I've neglected my blog -- not for lack of interest, but because life keeps getting in the way.

My VA client's business is heating up, which is a good thing, because I really need the money -- not least of all because of the home renovations resulting from our poria infestation. My husband has used this as an excuse to take a sledge hammer to all the things that have bugged him about the house these 13 years... beginning with the mirrored facade that was above our fireplace. He has a plan to make it all look pretty... but everything has to be done in steps and we're not up to that one yet.

I don't like being at home these days... the rooms that once resembled the Pottery Barn catalog now look more like our local Pep Boys. The rest of the place is so crammed full of stuff that used to be contained elsewhere that it's hard to find anything and it's hard to move.

I've been out and about, researching various aspects of the renovation project. I worked with a nice kitchen designer at Home Depot, purchased a new range and microwave hood at Lowe's... and stopped short of ordering new cabinets because my husband and I cannot agree on how to finish our floor, which -- thanks to the poria -- was stripped down to its concrete foundation.

The floor has to be done before the kitchen, because we are planning to install the new cabinets ourselves, which won't be done in the course of just one weekend. Until we're ready to go, they'll have to be stored in our dining room, so we need to have the floor done first.

The problem is the foundation itself. Our house was built in 1961 and has endured two major earthquakes and a burst water main, which was repaired in a rather sloppy manner. There are some huge cracks in the slab, which is how the wood-eating fungus got into our home in the first place. These have now been sealed with epoxy to keep the poria from getting back in...

...but the slab can crack again and the house can get re-infected and I don't want to ever again be surprised by the sight of mushrooms growing in my cabinets. So instead of covering the whole thing up with carpet and tile (which would have been the least expensive, easiest thing to do after being forced to remove my beautiful cherry floor), we're considering just dressing up the concrete slab with polish and veneer. This is a very trendy, high-end type of finish these days (go figure!), which is a lot more modern than my 1961 ranch house... but I think with area rugs, we can still make it comfortable and cozy. We can even choose a stain that emulates the cherry wood we lost, so at least we'd have the same colors.

But first, we need to find out if we can actually AFFORD this. I've been trying to collect bids from three local contractors, and explaining to them why we're thinking of concrete, why we had to remove our wood floors and why our slab is now covered in the ugly blue-gray epoxy designed for garages. And my husband and I have been driving all over the Valley, looking at stores with floors done by these guys' companies (we've not been able to see their work in residences; I guess it's not surprising that most homeowners aren't willing to let strangers come in and look at their floors).

Regarding the kitchen: The Thomasville cabinets I picked out at Home Depot might not be the best fit with a concrete floor; we may want to go back to the drawing board and select something more modern - with cleaner lines. So this week, I drove out to Ikea to see what they had to offer.

And I liked what I saw --  especially the price tag, which is so cheap that we could let THEM do the install.

Of course, there are some quality trade-offs. The Thomasville cabinets are made of wood, while Ikea's are all MDF, and that didn't sound too appealing to me. But once I saw the cabinets in the store's model kitchens, I had to admit that they looked really nice. And I know of some people who have put in Ikea kitchens and have been very happy with them. So I've got their third-party contractor coming to the house next week to measure us for an Ikea kitchen... just in case.

But there's a third option: I have a REALTOR® friend who has done a lot of home renovations over the years, and he's referred me to a carpenter who does all his custom kitchens ("for not much more than Ikea with an install"). So I'm calling him, too.

So that's just one of the things I've been dealing with this week. I'll save my dealings with my teenage daughter for another post... maybe next week.

A Little Progress on the Home Front

Between the ongoing work on my home and the demands of my virtual assistant client, I've been extremely busy. Fortunately, I've been able to handle the pace. This is a big improvement over what I faced in April, when I was dealing with a Bat Mitzvah, a mother-in-law and uncertainty about my health.

In the last week, I've been approached by two more potential clients for my VA business. This is a good thing, because the home improvements are costing us a bundle, and my husband has been pushing me to find "real" employment -- something I am reluctant to pursue.

It's not that I didn't enjoy working in an office environment. My last job as a meeting and convention planner was challenging and mostly enjoyable, and the thought of once again being part of an organization and working community is kind of exciting -- especially when I remember what it was like to have a consistent, weekly paycheck and benefits.

But the minute my daughter was born, my stress level went sky-high. I no longer had the luxury of working overtime until my to-do list was done; the time I could devote to work was dictated by the hours our daycare was open. And every time the baby came down with an infection (which was often in those first few years), I had to scramble to cancel meetings and re-work deadlines because I was usually the parent who had to stay home with her.

(That is why I support the goals of MomsRising, the group that has been working diligently to improve the lot of working parents and their families -- especially regarding issues like healthcare and sick leave. I feel that our leaders and corporations like to talk a lot about family values - but few actually put them into practice. And I don't see that much has changed in the decade since I left the work force.)

I have thanked God every day for the last 10 years that I've been a stay-at-home mom. I do not know if I could have kept working outside the home with my sanity intact, and I have nothing but admiration for working moms (and even more for working single moms). I don't know how you all do it.

And when I really contemplate the prospect of once again donning work clothes and women's shoes and commuting to an office, it scares the you-know-what out of me. I don't know if I could handle being someone's formal assistant after being independent and flexible for all these years. Right now, if my daughter needs a parent to go on a field trip, or if a friend wants to meet me for coffee, or if I have some errands to do -- I can shift my schedule around to accommodate it. I don't know if I can give up that freedom... especially NOW.

You see, in addition to my VA clients, there is my husband, who sometimes treats me like I'm HIS secretary. We still have a lot of legwork to do while we put our house back together again and every day, he leaves me with a list of stuff I have to do (i.e., consult with the kitchen designer, interview contractors, etc.)

We are still undecided on what to do with our floor. I've been having second thoughts about using tile for the entry/dining room/kitchen area. You see, the poria got into our house through cracks in our concrete foundation. These have now been sealed -- but what happens when new cracks form (as is likely to happen the next time we have an earthquake)?

So I am currently toying with the idea of leaving the floor more or less bare by polishing the concrete -- so I can keep on eye on any future cracks in the foundation. My husband is not yet convinced this is the way to go -- and we have yet to get an estimate on what it would cost. But that is my thinking right now.

In the meantime, we've been plowing ahead: Over the weekend, the husband took down the facade atop our brick fireplace (which he has always hated). He also patched the holes the poria people made in our walls while they were checking for fungus damage (thankfully, they did not find any there).

We will soon be removing the wall that separates the dining room and kitchen, which will really open it up. We will be replacing the cabinets there with a new kitchen peninsula (as well as other cabinets). I have someone coming over to measure later this week, which means we needed to figure out what to do about appliances.

Over the last few years, we replaced our ugly old fridge and dishwasher with sleek stainless models -- and so we decided to finish the job by getting rid of our cooktop and wall oven. Yesterday, we purchased a nice range and microwave hood.

I have never been happy with my kitchen; its configuration is awkward and the tiled countertops weren't built with a lot of care - the grout started cracking and separating soon after we  moved in. I've groused for years that I wanted to remodel... so you would think I'd be happy about this, right?

But it's freaking me out. I agonize over all the decisions. I hate spending the money. And it's not as much fun as I thought it would be. In fact, it's not much fun at all.

"You'll feel better when it's all done," my sister assures me.

I certainly hope so.

The "Shtupper-ware Party"

We'd been talking about having a Girls Night Out for a while, so the Evite from my friend (she asks that I call her "Roxy") was not a surprise.

The occasion was:

GET YOUR WILD ON!

A wild and wicked evening with friends!!! You are invited to bring a friend along- please let me know if you will be doing so!  Drinks, Nibbles and entertainment provided.  The Love Boutique will be here.

Gulp.

I guess this is the time I have to come out and confess that I am something of a prude. Oh, I was young and single once (in the 1970's! and '80's), so I wasn't always a Victorian.

And I'd been to one of these parties before: Thirty years ago, while still in college, my younger sister was a rep for one of the first companies selling sex toys and related products via the party plan. My mom volunteered to be her first hostess, and of course, I was invited. It was a command performance.

And it was weird. There was my kid sister, standing in the middle of our living room, passing around dildos and vibrators to my mom and her pals -- all of whom were hooting and hollering and giggling over the wares. And over on the other side of the room, I sat with a couple of my friends, feeling  creeped out about the whole thing.

"When you're our age, you'll understand," laughed my mother's friend Stella (who once took me for walks in my baby carriage). Shudder.

That experience was horrifying. But what's more horrifying is that I am now 10 years older than my mom and her friends were back then. And I DO understand.

But it still creeps me out. And this is one area where I prefer to be private. It probably doesn't help that I'm married to a Brit, who has very definite ideas about what is appropriate and what is not in polite company.

Of course, my girlfriends are not the type of people you'd describe as "polite company." They're fun. And this event had all the markings of an evening that would be fun...

...for everyone but Monica, the hapless young woman who came to Roxy's suburban home to sell sex toys to a group of mommys, teachers and Brownie leaders.

Roxy is a terrific hostess. True to her word, there were plenty of yummy "nibbly bits" ... and alcohol, which was something of a double-edged sword. I do the same thing when I'm hosting a sales party. Likkering up your guests loosens their purse strings. It also loosens them up in other ways.

The party got off to a raucous start when one of Roxy's friends brought her a novelty store gift she'd purchased especially for the occasion: penis-shaped drinking straws, which were plopped into each of our cocktails, resulting in lots of cell phone snapshots and dirty giggling from the guests. 

The phallus motif was carried on by Monica, who handed out pencils w/similarly shaped erasers.

For young Monica, it was all downhill from there, because my friends and I behaved much as my mom's generation did in 1979. Monica estimated that her presentation would take about 40 minutes. An hour and a half later, she was begging us all to settle down because she wanted to go home.

Some of the merchandise was pretty benign: products you find every day at the supermarket: shaving cream, bubble bath, shower gel. Even some of the more intimate items are advertised routinely on television: like K-Y's new line of lubricants -- which was a hot item at last year's Johnson & Johnson Camp Baby conference. (Monica tried to make a case for why her company's products were superior.)

Some of the products were exactly the same as the ones my sister showed back in 1979 (notably, the Kama Sutra flavored powder with feather applicator - the packaging is even the same).

Then we got into "the good stuff': The "Crystal Wand,"  described by Monica as a "tool that penetrates your G-spot" (I dunno - the word "penetrate" sounded a bit inaccurate to me). BenWa balls. The "Vaginal Work Out Egg." The Magic Sleeve. The Rabbit. The Dolphin. (All I can tell you is that I can never look at these innocent-seeming animals in the same way again.)

Throughout the presentation, Monica peppered us with little quiz questions for points (the one with the most would get a free prize). At the beginning, they were easy: 50 points if you've ever taken a bubble bath. 200 points if you ever lit a candle in the bathroom for your bath. 200 points if you ever made love in a body of water.

When we got to the toy part of the presentation, Monica told us to give ourselves 200 points for every toy we owned. This was the end of the quiz for me - I don't have any.

But another of the guests announced that she collects them. This is the one who brought us the interesting cocktail straws. It turns out that she -- and the two co-workers she brought to the party -- works behind in the scenes in the porn industry. In fact, all three women once worked in front of the cameras.

Now, I've always heard that the San Fernando Valley is the pornography capital of the world, and I've been vaguely aware that people I meet through school and kids' activities might be a part of that -- but this was the first time I ever met anyone who was a part of it and talked about it. It turned out that these ladies were a lot more expert about the products than Monica was, and the conversation grew into a lively discussion of the merits of one item over another. These women had informed opinions -- which I would listen to, if I was in the market for any of it.

But I'm not. I really studied the order form, trying to figure out what I was willing to drop some money on... and was relieved when Roxy told me she didn't expect everyone to buy: this was just an opportunity for a Girls Night Out.

By this time, it was after 11:00 (I'd been there for over four hours). With a sigh of relief, I said good-bye and snuck out the door.

NOTE: "Roxy" doesn't think it sounds like I had fun at her party. I want to make it clear that I did!

Blissful Homemaking - Part Two

Recovering from yet another busy weekend.

I could be blogging today about the "Shabbaton" our synagogue held on Saturday for all the families of kids who will be Bar and Bat Mitzvah between now and June.

I could be telling you about our Robert Burns Night celebration yesterday (which was not so much about Scotland as it was about single-malt Scotch).

And maybe I will find the time to write about those events.

But this is going to be a follow-up to my last post. You know, the one about how much I hate doing housework.

I can feel your eyes rolling upwards. If there is one thing more boring than doing housework, it's someone who is always complaining about having to do housework.

I am ashamed to say this, but it took me TEN HOURS (spread out over three days) to get my house to a point where I wasn't embarrassed to allow visitors in.

That's THREE HOURS dusting, vacuuming, and cleaning the hardwood floor in the living room.

THREE HOURS dusting, vacuuming and cleaning the hardwood floor in the dining room.

FOUR FULL HOURS cleaning the kitchen.

You will note that I do not mention our home's three bedrooms or two bathrooms. That's because I didn't even get to those. My daughter did clean her own room, and my husband took care of the guest bathroom (but only because we had friends coming over and we were running out of time).

Actually, I think I spent half that time just de-cluttering the place, as every single surface of my house was covered with STUFF: Books, magazines, toys, pens, pencils, notices from school... Christmas and Chanukah decorations that somehow didn't make it back into storage when we originally put that stuff away... Material that I've been meaning to write about but still haven't gotten to.

Well, you get the picture.

I got rid of a lot of crap -- but I confess that a good portion of it was moved inside the armoire that is supposed to be my workstation but instead hides a lot of um, crap. Hey, at least now it's all out of sight.

I had finally finished re-mopping the living room floor (because someone had tracked dirt on it, which is one of the reasons I hate cleaning the house in the first place -- it's downright Sisyphean because you keep having to do it over and over again) when the first of our friends pulled up in front of our house. So I literally WAS cleaning right up to the last minute.

That was yesterday.

This morning, I awoke to a house that was STILL CLEAN and uncluttered and... really kind of lovely.

"Do you want to bet how long this will last?" I asked my daughter.

"A week?" she guessed.

"I think it will be a mess again in two days," I sighed... because I know myself and my family and I'm a realist.

Ten years ago - when I gave up my job as a meeting planner and began my life as a stay-at-home mom, I actually sort of enjoyed cleaning the house.

Then I got over my burn-out at trying to excel at a demanding job AND being a mother -- which was a good thing, because living on just one salary wasn't really working for us. I needed to bring in at least a little extra cash.

That's when I started working from home, on the web. And I no longer had the time or the energy to keep up with the housework.

During this period, I joined the FlyLady's email list, and for a couple of weeks, I obeyed.

But it didn't take long for me to slide. The emails reminding me to put the laundry in the dryer became too easy to ignore. I got tired of "shining my sink."

So I know what I'm talking about.

But this morning, when I returned home after dropping her at school, I wondered why not? Why CAN'T I keep it up? Why do I have to allow the clutter and dirt to build up?

Why can't I live my life the way it's suggested in that Home Comforts book? Why can't I be a Fly Lady?

So I spent about an hour this morning putting away the throw blankets that had been left on the couch, throwing out the food wrappers the kid had left on the coffee table and putting away the photography and computer magazines my husband had left on the chair. (Just as the Fly Lady orders.)

I did a quick round through the house with a dust rag and half-assed vacuum (i.e., did not move the furniture).

I wiped down the kitchen counters and the bathroom sink. I mopped the kitchen floor.

The house still looks good, and it only took about 30 minutes out of my day.

Maybe this time I'll surprise myself. Maybe I can change.

I didn't think I could ever lose weight, but I did -- and I've kept 50 pounds off for nearly a year.

So maybe I CAN do this. Maybe I can finally feel comfortable inviting friends over on a whim.

Check back here in a week.

Drama Mama

It's been kind of a crazy week. OK, crazier than usual.

Am hoping to finish a post I started earlier about our wine tasting adventures when we were visiting family in Sacramento over the holiday...

But I've been sidetracked by events in my daughter's life: Changes at her gym, tears over a missed homework assignment (and subsequent talk with one of her teachers)... and now, what might be strep throat. (She's been home with sore throat and fever for two days and I would like her doctor to check because if it's strep, I want to get her on an antibiotic NOW instead of living with it through the weekend and having to take her to the doctor anyway on Monday to get the antibiotic... well, you parents have all been through that dance and you know what I mean).

Needless to say... We've already gone through the three bottles of wine we brought back from our trip last week!

Before I go: I forgot to mention that I was featured on MomLogic on Monday! Yes, it was another piece about my weight loss earlier this year, and its publication felt ironic, because I got back from Thanksgiving weekend SIX POUNDS heavier than I was when I started maintenance.

Watching my stupid weight has become an overwhelmingly large part of my life, and there is no end in sight. I am trying my darndest to get through the holidays without having to start all over again - and am writing up this obsession almost daily on my new diet blog. If this is something that interests you, please visit me there, comment, and send me your own diet blog links.

What's On My Mind Today

I have 250 messages in my Inbox - and that's AFTER I pared down everything that came in overnight.

Can you say "over-stimulated"?

I'm taking the day to go through my messages, follow up on those that need a response and delete the ones that are no longer relevant.

One reason it's so full is that we had a gymnastics meet over the weekend that required an overnight stay.

Correction: We COULD have driven back home afterwards (in fact, most of the other families did that). But the meet ended around 6:30 and Megan was famished - as she usually is after four hours of physical activity. Actually, the entire family is hungry after these events, and I've learned the hard way that when it's over, we need to have a meal AS SOON AS POSSIBLE - or I'll get battered in the ensuing battle of low blood sugar between my husband and daughter.

We had a nice dinner with one of the other families (who decided to eat before they embarked on their own long drive home) and a good night's sleep in our hotel.

But here's the part that I can't shake. I had been shocked at booking the room that even a two-star hotel in this community was going for over $150 a night. I thought about that yesterday morning, while watching Treasury Secretary Henry Poulson on Meet the Press. Our economic sky is falling, and we shelled out $150+ to stay overnight in a community two hours away; living our lives as if nothing is happening.

And we're doing the same thing next week.

I have very real fears about the future. This is bound to impact the lifestyle of our family and that of everyone we know. It already has impacted us; my husband works for a geotech firm which, until this year, was working on a huge slate of housing developments, all of which have dried up. I am even worried for my wealthier friends; I have no idea what kind of investments are in their portfolios or how leveraged they might be.

I'm afraid to sign the catering contract for my daughter's Bat Mitzvah in April. I'm afraid that after all this hard work to keep her in gymnastics, that in the near future we might have to eliminate it from our budget. I worry that our wonderful new gym might go out of business in the near future; not because of any mistakes the owners make but just as fallout from the mess on Wall Street.

But worrying about every possible bad outcome isn't going to prevent it and all it can really do is make ME crazy. If there is one thing I've learned in my 52 years, it's that it is better and healthier to go through life with a positive attitude.

So I'm going to try to put the storm clouds out of my mind. I'm going to continue to live my life. And I'm going to continue doing what I think I can to make the world a better place.

That's why last night's Emmy broadcast was such a welcome diversion. Even though the five reality hosts bit didn't really work, I think the show was a lot better than last year's disaster-in-the-round. I love the look of the Nokia Theatre LA Live (it seems way nicer than Pasadena Civic, the site of the Emmy telecasts I used to attend, back in the day). I loved the way they evoked the sets from the classic programs of the past. And I even liked Josh Groban's manic medley of classic TV theme songs.

And I agreed with the Academy on many of the winners this year (for a change). I was disappointed that Jeremy Piven won again for "Entourage" - NOT that he doesn't deserve all the awards he's received for his work as Ari Gold - I think he's brilliant. But it would have been nice to see Kevin Dillon win for the same show. Or Rainn Wilson for "The Office." Or Neil Patrick Harris for his legendary work on "How I Met Your Mother." And as much as I dislike "Two and a Half Men," I've always been a fan of Jon Cryer. So they are all winners in my book.

I was pleased to see both "The Colbert Report" and "The Daily Show" honored with Emmys. I swear, Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert and their staffs are doing a better job of reporting the news than the news organizations themselves.

I especially enjoyed tributes to some of my favorite programs of my youth: "Laugh In" was a must-see when I was Megan's age, as was "The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour." I don't think I got what was happening in Viet Nam back then until Tom and Dick Smothers used the war in their edgy comedy bits on that show. They were brilliant, and it really was a big deal when CBS abruptly pulled the plug on them. For years afterwards, there was a billboard across the street from Television City that translated the network's acronym as "Cancelled Brothers Smothers."

I got a little bit teary seeing Tommy accept his delayed award from 40 years ago. He's a funny guy - when I worked at the Tonight Show in the 1980's, I watched him backstage as he did a perfect impression of Johnny doing his monologue.

I got teary again when Mary Tyler Moore introduced Betty White. Again, in my Tonight Show days, the staff would rejoice whenever we booked her for a guest spot (she sometimes participated in sketches, too). Everyone loved her because she was such a delight to work with. She deserves all the recognition of her peers.

Finally, hooray for Tina Fey! I think Alec Baldwin got it right when he compared her with Elaine May. Tina is brilliant and I'm so happy NBC allowed "30 Rock" to stay on the air. Did you notice that most of SNL's nominations were for the episode Fey hosted - which was one of the few really FUNNY ones from last season? Or that nearly all of the guest performance nominations for a comedy were from episodes of "30 Rock"? Baldwin's own Best Actor win was gratifying too - he may have issues in his personal life, but the man is a brilliant actor, in both drama and comedy.

Finally - I'm jazzed that Mad Men was named Best Drama. Although it was a disappointment to discover that last night AMC aired a rerun (I guess they didn't want to compete for Emmy viewers).

All in all, a good night for the TV Academy. And a decent distraction for me, as I'm already feeling better by thinking about something so frivolous. As if nothing has happened.