Socal Mom

What's On My Mind Today

I have 250 messages in my Inbox - and that's AFTER I pared down everything that came in overnight.

Can you say "over-stimulated"?

I'm taking the day to go through my messages, follow up on those that need a response and delete the ones that are no longer relevant.

One reason it's so full is that we had a gymnastics meet over the weekend that required an overnight stay.

Correction: We COULD have driven back home afterwards (in fact, most of the other families did that). But the meet ended around 6:30 and Megan was famished - as she usually is after four hours of physical activity. Actually, the entire family is hungry after these events, and I've learned the hard way that when it's over, we need to have a meal AS SOON AS POSSIBLE - or I'll get battered in the ensuing battle of low blood sugar between my husband and daughter.

We had a nice dinner with one of the other families (who decided to eat before they embarked on their own long drive home) and a good night's sleep in our hotel.

But here's the part that I can't shake. I had been shocked at booking the room that even a two-star hotel in this community was going for over $150 a night. I thought about that yesterday morning, while watching Treasury Secretary Henry Poulson on Meet the Press. Our economic sky is falling, and we shelled out $150+ to stay overnight in a community two hours away; living our lives as if nothing is happening.

And we're doing the same thing next week.

I have very real fears about the future. This is bound to impact the lifestyle of our family and that of everyone we know. It already has impacted us; my husband works for a geotech firm which, until this year, was working on a huge slate of housing developments, all of which have dried up. I am even worried for my wealthier friends; I have no idea what kind of investments are in their portfolios or how leveraged they might be.

I'm afraid to sign the catering contract for my daughter's Bat Mitzvah in April. I'm afraid that after all this hard work to keep her in gymnastics, that in the near future we might have to eliminate it from our budget. I worry that our wonderful new gym might go out of business in the near future; not because of any mistakes the owners make but just as fallout from the mess on Wall Street.

But worrying about every possible bad outcome isn't going to prevent it and all it can really do is make ME crazy. If there is one thing I've learned in my 52 years, it's that it is better and healthier to go through life with a positive attitude.

So I'm going to try to put the storm clouds out of my mind. I'm going to continue to live my life. And I'm going to continue doing what I think I can to make the world a better place.

That's why last night's Emmy broadcast was such a welcome diversion. Even though the five reality hosts bit didn't really work, I think the show was a lot better than last year's disaster-in-the-round. I love the look of the Nokia Theatre LA Live (it seems way nicer than Pasadena Civic, the site of the Emmy telecasts I used to attend, back in the day). I loved the way they evoked the sets from the classic programs of the past. And I even liked Josh Groban's manic medley of classic TV theme songs.

And I agreed with the Academy on many of the winners this year (for a change). I was disappointed that Jeremy Piven won again for "Entourage" - NOT that he doesn't deserve all the awards he's received for his work as Ari Gold - I think he's brilliant. But it would have been nice to see Kevin Dillon win for the same show. Or Rainn Wilson for "The Office." Or Neil Patrick Harris for his legendary work on "How I Met Your Mother." And as much as I dislike "Two and a Half Men," I've always been a fan of Jon Cryer. So they are all winners in my book.

I was pleased to see both "The Colbert Report" and "The Daily Show" honored with Emmys. I swear, Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert and their staffs are doing a better job of reporting the news than the news organizations themselves.

I especially enjoyed tributes to some of my favorite programs of my youth: "Laugh In" was a must-see when I was Megan's age, as was "The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour." I don't think I got what was happening in Viet Nam back then until Tom and Dick Smothers used the war in their edgy comedy bits on that show. They were brilliant, and it really was a big deal when CBS abruptly pulled the plug on them. For years afterwards, there was a billboard across the street from Television City that translated the network's acronym as "Cancelled Brothers Smothers."

I got a little bit teary seeing Tommy accept his delayed award from 40 years ago. He's a funny guy - when I worked at the Tonight Show in the 1980's, I watched him backstage as he did a perfect impression of Johnny doing his monologue.

I got teary again when Mary Tyler Moore introduced Betty White. Again, in my Tonight Show days, the staff would rejoice whenever we booked her for a guest spot (she sometimes participated in sketches, too). Everyone loved her because she was such a delight to work with. She deserves all the recognition of her peers.

Finally, hooray for Tina Fey! I think Alec Baldwin got it right when he compared her with Elaine May. Tina is brilliant and I'm so happy NBC allowed "30 Rock" to stay on the air. Did you notice that most of SNL's nominations were for the episode Fey hosted - which was one of the few really FUNNY ones from last season? Or that nearly all of the guest performance nominations for a comedy were from episodes of "30 Rock"? Baldwin's own Best Actor win was gratifying too - he may have issues in his personal life, but the man is a brilliant actor, in both drama and comedy.

Finally - I'm jazzed that Mad Men was named Best Drama. Although it was a disappointment to discover that last night AMC aired a rerun (I guess they didn't want to compete for Emmy viewers).

All in all, a good night for the TV Academy. And a decent distraction for me, as I'm already feeling better by thinking about something so frivolous. As if nothing has happened.

A Fresh Start

This was Megan's official first day at a new gym, and a new chapter for the Mills family.

Note that I referred to the life of our family. That's because gymnastics is all-consuming. The children may be the athletes doing the work, but the parents are the ones who take them there, look out for them, volunteer for the team, work at the meets, deal with the coaches, deal with the other parents... and pay the bills. The child has little time for social activities outside of gym. And if the child athlete has siblings, they either wind up also doing gymnastics, or find that their own lives are bent around the demands of their gymnast brother or sister.

Young athletes train hard, but they can't achieve their success without major support and sacrifice of their families. I'll be thinking of that next week while I watch the Beijing Olympics.

For the last five years, my daughter has been training at a gym that's close to home. She's made some wonderful friends there, and we've become close with many of the other team families.

But this last year at the gym has been tumultuous for my daughter and for me. When a handful of coaches all left at the same time, I felt that it was time for us to move on, too. My daughter did not agree. She was not ready.

We stayed.

But I've been worried about her. A few years ago, we could not pass a park or a beach or even a patch of grass without Megan breaking out into spontaneous flips. No longer.

I chalked it up to the fact that she's older, she puts in more hours at gym, she doesn't have the need to show off in her spare time.

But -- the truth is, I think she had lost her joy for the sport. And when she insisted that she just wanted to get to the optional level and quit -- well, it didn't sound right to me. If that is what she wants to do, that's fine. But I wondered if maybe she was just in a rut -- just needed a change.

This week, we made that change. The new place is 35 miles away from our home, which will be a bit of a hardship with the cost of gas (and the fact that I have been trying to limit the miles I put on my leased car).

But the gym is only two years old. The building and equipment are all clean and new. The air conditioning works. The coaches are young and while they lead the kids in a tough workout, they also know how to have fun -- which is an element I feel my daughter's training has lacked for a long time.

When you spend 16 or 20 or 25 hours a week doing something -- it had better be something you enjoy... especially if you're a kid.

My daughter gets a lot of enjoyment out of being with her teammates. She loves most of her coaches. They have a real bond. That bond is what always kept her from letting me talk to her about making a move, even when she was upset about the way things were going.

The last year has been hard on her. It's been hard on me. I think the turning point came when she returned home from the California State Games, where she finished first place all around for her level and age... and she was told it wasn't good enough.

She was upset and I was upset for her. But she wouldn't let me talk to anyone about it. Instead, I let my frustration out in a tweet... and someone left me a message about this gym I'd never heard of (because it's 35 miles away). One of the coaches who left our gym last year was going to be working here. I thought it was worth checking out.

When my daughter saw this new gym, for the first time, she let me know she would consider a change.

But when push came to shove, she refused to make the decision to leave on her own, because she hated the idea of leaving her teammates. I told her I thought this was something we should just do now so we could make a clean break before the start of the new season. She listened and nodded and said OK. Now she could tell her friends it was MY idea.

And once we decided, she seemed happy.

I have no illusions. I know that nothing is perfect. I am feeling sad tonight, wistful about saying goodbye to a place that felt like part of the family. I'm wondering if I made the right decision.

You can't run away from your problems. The new gym won't be perfect. I won't agree with everything her new coaches do. I won't get along with all the parents.

I know that the less-than-ideal situations I complain about now will likely be replaced by new ones.

But that word-- "new" -- is very powerful.

And then I think of what I saw over the weekend when we were at the beach. I watched my daughter run on the sand... and suddenly break out into cartwheels.

It was the most beautiful thing I've seen in a very long time.

The California Games

I can't believe I began the summer lamenting that I wouldn't be taking any vacations this year.

Instead, I ended up planning several short road trips. The result: Plenty to write about -- but little time to do it!

I just got back from watching Megan compete in the California State Games, which is a kind of youth Olympics event, complete with young athletes marching in to witness the lighting of the torch. As the march-in was Friday night and her meet was Sunday afternoon -- and the event was in beautiful San Diego -- we made a weekend of it. My sister and her family planned a short stay in Mission Bay to coincide with it, so it was a full family affair...

...which means that breaking away to write was a near-impossibility. Hell, my husband and sister complained every time I glanced at the steady stream of email I was receiving on my Blackberry. You have no idea how much trouble they would have given me if I had gone hunting for a hotspot so I could write.

This is why I have not been online since Thursday afternoon (when the Internet in my home went down for several hours). As of this time last week, I was putting the finishing touches on part 1 of my post about our Las Vegas trip -- and promising to finish the half-done draft recounting our experiences in Palm Springs the previous week.

Those posts remain half-done drafts. And in three days, I am flying up to San Francisco for BlogHer.

Can you say "over extended"?

So... this blog will be taking a non-linear turn this week, as I jump around in time so I can catch up before BlogHer.

We'll start with the trip we just finished: San Diego.

I wish I had photos to show you of the opening ceremony for the California State Games. It really felt like the real deal. For one thing, it took place at Qualcomm Stadium. For another, there must have been thousands of youthful participants, as the march in to the stadium seemed to go on FOREVER. The really cool thing is that the entire proceeding was broadcast onto the stadium's jumbotron -- so I got to see the joyful expressions on the faces of my daughter and her teammates as they entered the field.

The reason I don't have photos is that I almost didn't make it to the Stadium on time, having opted to stay at a four-star Priceline-booked downtown hotel instead of the cheap Mission Valley inn on the trolley line, with the rest of the team. I had dropped Megan off with her coach so I knew she would arrive along with them -- but I wanted to have my own car so I could boogie when the whole thing was over.

The road leading to Qualcomm was bumper-to-bumper, and just as I got there, my cell phone froze on me. This put me into a panic: How was I going to find the other parents? How was I going to find my kid? I managed to get the phone working again by removing and replacing the battery -- but I was shaken. I was already at the ticket booth when I realized I'd left my camera in the car. I had no desire to run back to fetch it.

After what seemed like hours (I had NO IDEA there were so many kids who play softball - I don't think there was an empty field in all of San Diego last weekend!), the ceremony began with a drop-in by about a dozen Navy Seals... who literally parachuted onto the field, ending with one holding an American flag for the Star Spangled Banner. Yeah, it was kind of hokey -- but really cool at the same time. That was followed by some speeches about the value of youth athletic programs and some Gong-show ready entertainment.

The program ended with a pretty nice fireworks show.

Then came the ordeal of catching back up with our kids. As much time as it took for them to march IN to the stadium, finding them after the event took even longer. At least, it felt that way. It was nearly 10:00 p.m. by the time I had my daughter back -- neither one of us had eaten dinner. Fortunately, my sister and husband (who had driven down after work and was already relaxing with the family at their hotel in Mission Bay) were waiting for us. We phoned them a room service order and found a late dinner waiting for us when we caught up with them -- just in time to catch our second fireworks show of the night, emanating from nearby Sea World.

Saturday was our time to kick back, and we decided to do so at my sister's hotel. She and her family stayed at the Mission Bay Hilton, which is right on the bay, so it boasts a small beach, a dock where you can rent boats and jetskis, tennis courts, a spa -- and a fabulous pool (which was adjacent to a fabulous bar that serves truly fabulous pina coladas).

We figured we could get the best of both San Diego worlds by moving our party downtown for the evening. We dined on excellent tapas at Cafe Sevilla in the Gaslamp Quarter (which was within walking distance from our downtown hotel). The food was plentiful...and reasonably priced.

Sunday's gymnastics meet was a lot like any other... except that our team rocked! Megan and her friend Wesley both took first place All-Around prizes for their ages -- and the top three for most events featured at least one of our girls.

I would have pictures of this but for a nasty surprise when I turned my camera on: I must have dropped it somewhere, because I could not access any of the menus. Instead, all I could see was something that looked like a crack on the screen INSIDE the camera.

"Just go to the store where you bought it and get it fixed," my husband suggested.

The last time I tried that with a digital camera I was told it would cost nearly as much to fix as it would to buy a new one. It is also extremely unlikely that, should it be reparable, I could have it back before I go to BlogHer on Thursday. At any rate, future posts will be without photos for the foreseeable future.

It's a good thing I got some in on the half-finished posts that will be going up BEFORE I get to San Francisco.

One Drama Ends, Another Begins

(Are you hitting the road this summer? Don't leave home without entering SoCal Mom's Summer Travel Getaway Contest...)

I just got back from dropping Megan off for her last day of school.

Boy, do I feel relieved.

For someone with an aversion to drama, I cannot seem to escape it. In previous years (when I was embroiled in all the politics of her elementary school PTA), this day meant getting a three-month break from petty arguments over fundraising and organizing and brouhahas other people made over how the teachers were teaching. (I was always very happy with my daughter's teachers, which I suppose makes me lucky. We just didn't perceive any problems for us there.)

I've managed to avoid all of that since she started middle school (mainly by steering as far away as possible from the PTA). The only school-related drama this year was our struggle with the homework load, which dissipated after I had my conference with Megan's teachers. Next year, I resolve to be more pro-active and will set up a teacher conference earlier in the semester.

But just as I'm feeling good about how easy a school year we had, I am finding it harder and harder to avoid craziness at Megan's gym.

I guess that makes sense: Running for a position on the gym's board was a stupid move. I don't know; I had this weird idea that by working on the inside, I could affect improvements to the problems I saw.

It hasn't worked out that way.

If anything, I now have too much information. I was much happier living in trusting ignorance. Plus, as a board member, I am now a target for any gym parent who wants to see conspiracies in how his/her child is being treated (and there are lots of gym parents who would rather blame gym politics for a child's poor score than objectively evaluate the child's performance).

The result is that I have limited my time watching my daughter at gym, because I do not want to be accosted by parents who are angry about coaches, safety, equipment, judging, the cleaning crew, the adults who come in at night for workouts, the food at the snack bar, other parents, other kids, uniforms, meets, etc., etc., etc.

But we live in an age when you can run, but you cannot hide -- especially if people have your email address. Over the weekend, I found myself in the center of yet another gym drama, thanks to a message that was sent to all the parents of Megan's team, asserting that the girls are not being protected well enough while they learn new tricks on the balance beam. I might also add that the parent who sent this email has been at the center of nearly every gym controversy that has sprung up over the last three years.

I replied to all that I, for one, was not unhappy and did not see any reason to be alarmed by the way the girls are being coached. But I am not an expert on gymnastics coaching, and in case there really was an issue that had to be explored (and this parent raised safety issues), I felt this should be on the record, so I cc'd the president of the Board.

That's when all hell broke loose.

The parent who started the email chain retorted back (to all - except the Board president) that I had no right to put what was essentially a private message onto the agenda of the gym's management. When I pointed out that as a board member, it was actually my duty to alert the board when a question has been raised about our kids' safety, I received a particularly nasty and accusatory email back, asking me if I wanted to take responsibility from any flack the child might receive from the head coach.

I was upset. I knew in my heart I had done the right thing, but I knew I had gone about it in a passive-aggressive way, which I'm afraid is how I learned to survive a childhood that was fraught with all kinds of unneccessary drama. I am not capable of being confrontational. But at least, I felt I'd done something right by being transparent. Which means that I ended up being confronted.

The whole thing made me angry, but since I don't do anger well, I internalized it until it formed a knot in my stomach. I wanted to throw up. Instead, I drove Megan to gym and (confident that the parent in question would not be there, because they always skip the Saturday trainings - yes, I am a coward) talked it out with a mom I knew would be sympathetic to me.

But the stomach ache did not dissipate until another parent sent an email to the group in support of my action, agreeing with what I'd said -- that as a member of the gym board, I was duty-bound to report the allegations... and pointing out that a group email to six people is NOT a private conversation. If you don't want something to get out, you don't send it by email...

Monday rolled around and I dropped Megan off at gym and skedaddled to the nearest Starbucks, because I did not want to run into the parent who had sent the email. (Coward, remember?) I need not have bothered, because they did not show up at all.

I returned to gym about 15 minutes before Megan's workout had ended. The girls were finishing up with conditioning exercises. Megan was doing handstands on the beam... and you can guess what happened...

...she lost her grip on her dismount and kicked her foot under the beam - really hard...

... and was injured. The pain was so bad that I suspected she'd broken her toe.

And I could not help but think of the email brouhaha about safety on the beam.

Of course, that email was not about routine dismounts that the girls have done for years. And, as far as possible gymnastics injuries go, a broken toe is NOTHING. Gymnastics can be a dangerous sport. Megan's friends have broken wrists, arms, feet... there have been back injuries, and hip displacements.

But guess what? Kids get hurt playing sports. Hell, I once broke my toe by bumping into a cabinet in my bedroom. This is our first injury after four years of competition -- I figured we were ahead of the game.

And, as it turned out, her toe wasn't broken- just badly bruised. So we are WAY ahead of the game.

Too bad I can't say the same about gym drama. Our June board meeting is tonight...

Last Week of School - On with the Hectic Summer

In four more days, my daughter will be finished with this crazy, stressful, transitional first year of middle school.

No one is more excited about this than I.

We will have about two weeks before she gets right into her crazy, stressful, transitional ummer of gymnastics. This will be her fourth summer of training for Fall competition... but when her level 6 "compulsory" season ends in November, she will be moving right on to level 7, which is the first of the "optional" levels.

Explanation: Compulsory gymnasts all perform the same routines with the same skills on the four women's events - vault, bars, beam and floor. When they hit the optional levels, they create their own routines and can pick and choose among the skills -- it is their option.

So for the last three summers, Megan has trained for 25 hours per week. But because she will need to be ready to go in January with her brand new optional routines, the head coach wants her to work for an additional 10 hours each week during the summer. I know - that's like having a full time job. And she's not exactly thrilled with the idea of having so little time this summer for play...

...so we are doing what we can do have some fun. We are leaving next week on not just one, but TWO road trips. We will also be returning to San Diego for a rare summer gymnastics meet. All of these trips will be chronicled here on the blog. YES! Travel posts again!!

And to kick off all this summer travel in style, I am holding a contest over at SoCal Stuff: First prize is a Crosswords DS game -- and a spanking new Nintendo DS to play it on! I am also giving away a road trip kit with products that will help make your drive go smoothly. Click here for contest details and to enter.

Weekend Update

The eye infection I acquired in Phoenix is kicking my butt.

It's not so much an energy drainer, but between the itching, the watering, and the blurriness caused by dousing my eyes with drops, I don't much feel like sitting at the computer to work.

Besides, today was Megan's short day at school, which means that after visiting the eye doctor and shopping for new eyeglasses (because I hadn't had them checked in oh -- seven years! I badly needed a new prescription), it was just about time to pick her up. The infection isn't contagious -- which is good. But antibiotics won't get rid of it -- which is not so good, because I have to wait for it to clear by itself. ("It's just like when you have a cold," the eye doc said.)

So I am putting off the detailed account of our weekend another day.

But I will leave you with this:

Megan's meet was awesome! (Kudos to Desert Lights Gymnastics, who put on one of the best-run meets we've ever attended.)

This is the off-season for girls competing at her level, so while the Friday and Saturday sessions were huge (with participants ranging from Hawaii to Pennsylvania), our team was the only out-of-state gym competing at Level 6...

...and we left them wishing they all could be California girls.

Gymnastics is a really tough sport. The USAG Junior OIympics and Olympics women's program consists of 10 Levels leading up to Elite status (this is where actual Olympic hopefuls compete). When I tell people how much my daughter trains each week, they usually say something like, "Maybe we'll see her in the Olympics some day." Then I have to explain that no, that's not likely. Kids on the Olympic track are usually farther up the ladder by the time they are Megan's age. Her 16 hours of weekly training is just what she needs to maintain the strength necessary to perform her Level 6 skills.

Now, if she decides to stick with it through high school and manages to make it all the way up to Level 9 or 10, she might be eligible to compete on a college team; maybe even qualify for a scholarship. But we're not holding our breath for that.

Each level gets exponentially harder. Next year, when we expect that she will be promoted to Level 7, her training hours will have to increase (at the same time that the dreaded homework load will also become larger). 

It would be a lot wiser to skip the athletic training and put the $6,000 per year we spend on gym into her college fund.

Besides, Level 6 has been hugely challenging for her, especially after all the success she had at the previous level, when she consistently scored 36 at all her meets (and won our area's big Sectional meet with a whopping 37).

Beam and Floor are her strengths: She routinely scores in the low 9's. She's okay on vault (it's the same one for Levels 5, 6 AND 7 -- which means that even though it may look easy, it is one of the harder skills to perfect).

But the bar routine has been her downfall at every meet since she was promoted to this level over a year ago.

On Sunday, she showed signs of coming out of that slump. She got an 8.75 on bars. Combined with the 9.1 she got on vault, a 9.3 on beam and 9.4 on floor, she finished the meet with an All Around score of 36.55. This was the highest score of the session and her first winning AA score at this level.

Her friend Sammie, who went into the meet feeling ill (and giving her poor mom anxiety attacks throughout the afternoon), also did well. She also scored a 36 in the All Around (second place for her age group), and would have done even better if she hadn't been feeling dizzy on the beam. (Sammie's beam scores are usually 9.5 and higher).

Thirty-six is the magic number at our gym. The head coach keeps a running tally of who attains it and posts it on the team bulletin board. We left Arizona with two very happy little girls, who knew that they were going to get some major strokes when they got home.

I'm not sure why our girls scored so much better in Arizona than they have been here at home. One of the frustrating aspects of this sport is that the winners aren't determined by empiric means (as in track and field). It is judged and it's hard to understand what the judges are seeing. I wonder if our girls' Southern California style was just different enough to make them stand out?

But I really think the difference for Megan was that she was so hyped about attending her first out-of-state meet that she trained harder for it. The two weeks before her last meet, we left the gym early every day so she could keep up with her homework. This meant that she kept missing the portion of the workout that is devoted to her bar routine...  and she only got an 8.025.

Our next one is at the end of the month, in nearby Burbank. It's another huge event (this one is sanctioned as an international meet, which means that we may even find ourselves facing teams from other countries -- but the majority of the competition will be the usual suspects we never beat). 

It will be interesting to see how she fares -- especially if we can manage to keep a good balance between her schoolwork and her training.

My Kid Meets Scott Baio's Life Coach

I think I've mentioned here that I recently became a member of the Board of Directors that runs my daughter's (non-profit) gym. A couple of weeks ago, we put on a special seminar for all the boys and girls team members and their parents.

The event featured a sports nutritionist and a sports psychologist, who talked to team members and their parents separately. I've been planning to write about both of them, but I've been a little bit distracted by all the Hollywood strike talk (which, judging by the uptick in comments I've received this week, is a lot more interesting to a lot more people than the blatherings of a stay-at-home mom. Go figure.)

The sports psychologist was Dr. Alison Arnold, an ex-gymnast herself, who teaches "Mental Toughness Training" to both the US Women's Olympic gymnastics and skating teams. She may also be familiar to television viewers as the life coach who worked with Scott Baio on his recent reality program. (See? I worked in another Hollywood connection. Got to give the people what they want.)

Dr. Allie (yes, that's what she asked us to call her) did some exercises with the kids while we parents listened to the nutritionist (details of that will be in a separate post). My daughter came home with a couple of diagrams she made that illustrate the kind of mental games she needs to learn to play during her competitions.

In the center are concentric circles, with the heading "Flip It." The inner circle contains the words, "confident," "relax," "positive."

The outer circle has the following phrases:

• "Don't let it get 2 me."
• "Tight-mind"
• "Breath"
• "Black out the bad"
• "Don't think about it."

Four arrows point to the circles. They are labeled:

• "Upset"
• "Tired"
• "Scared"
• "Fell on a skill"

At the bottom of the sheet is a notation: "Arrows R Evil!"

Megan took more notes of a similar vein.

When Megan was little, I enrolled her in lots of different activities, each for a short time. She tried ballet and tae kwon do. She took after school art classes. When we signed up for a trial gymnastics lesson, I had no idea that she would love it as much as she did -- or that the coaches would determine that she would be a good candidate for their competitive team. I especially didn't count on how all-consuming this sport would be; not only for her but for our entire family.

Now that I'm used to this sports parent lifestyle, I see the positives about it. Sure, she has very little time for socializing outside of gym. But the other girls on her team are all delightful and these friendships she has made are strong. 

Now that she is in middle school, it is even more of a struggle for her to keep all the elements in her life in balance. But she is learning valuable lessons in time management and follow-through, skills she will need when she goes to college and begins a career.

She claims to have no interest in boys, and so far, I believe her. But when the time comes, she'll have no time for that. True, we do have a boys team at the gym, but they are just as busy training as the girls are, so that's OK. (Now, there is always the possibility that Megan might never end up interested in boys. Somehow, that seems less threatening to me -- less chance of teenage pregnancy or STD's).

And after three years of competition, she is poised to move on to the higher, more interesting levels (for those keeping score, she is doing one more year of Level 6 and then next January will move right into Level 7, which is when she'll be able to drop the compulsory routines and do more of her own thing).

As a parent who has dreams of her daughter getting into a good college, it's hard not to project to the time when she is a Level 10 and can use that as some leverage for a school with a team. And that's where reality sets in. Last year, Megan announced that her ultimate goal was to get to Level 7. And that's it.

At the time, she said she would like to try some different sports, and she can't really do that while she's involved in gym. That's a valid enough reason. But it dashes my carefully designed plan to keep her in gym through college so she stays out of trouble.

The other day, she reiterated her resolve to do a year of Level 7 and quit. "I don't want to go all the way up to Level 10," she said. "The skills they have to do are too scary."

And that, too, is a valid reason.

It is my daughter's life, not mine. Just as she picked this sport, when she quits will be her decision. But I would rather she quit because she wants to try new things -- NOT out of fear. I have spent my entire life defined by my fears. I have had tremendous opportunities in the past (see my Hollywood posts) but blew them all, because of fear. I was hoping that gymnastics would be an experience that taught Megan how to keep fear at bay, and maybe it is.

Perhaps, as she learns her Level 7 skills, Megan will feel confident enough to move on to Level 8, and so on. I am trying to learn to label my dreams as such and to not fight reality so much. It's a struggle, because reality just isn't as much fun. I just need to have faith that which ever path my daughter chooses will be the right one for her.

But maybe we need to explore this more. Dr. Allie was hawking a DVD, which was an inexpensive way to get her counseling on this topic. At some point, Megan and I will watch this together. It couldn't hurt.

Dr. Allie also did a session with the parents, where she distributed a Top 10 Parents Code of Points. I'm proud to say that I'm pretty good with most of them (but do need work with the others). They are:

1. Be your child's biggest fan.

2. Ask curiosity questions, not technical questions. (i.e., "what does it mean when you say, 'flyaway'? NOT "Did you get your flyaway?")

3. Stay out of power struggles.

4. Honor your child's unique gifts.

5. Find the "hidden win" in everything your child does. (Make sure you praise their character -- say "You are" instead of "You do")

6. Take care of YOURSELF. (Can you go on a date with your spouse without talking about the kids?)

7. Include your athlete in family activities and chores.

8. Encourage balance wherever your can.

9. Teach your child good decision making skills.

10. Remember: Gymnastics lessons equal life lessons. Don't forget the big picture.

Another Gym Season Over

Megan's Level 6 State Meet yesterday was a subdued affair.

After having two of these under our belts, we no longer had any expectation of bringing home a state championship. For one thing, as good as she is on beam and floor, she's still not consistent on vault -- and she has a long way to go before she can be a contender on bars. She does the routine... she just hasn't gotten to the point where she can perform it in a fluid motion.

This was really brought home to us when we attended the sectional meet a couple of weeks ago, and saw the bar routines done by the girls from that other gym I wanted Megan to transfer to last spring. The moms from our gym watched that team and for the first time, we saw the routine the way it's supposed to look. Only one of our girls is even close to that -- but also inconsistent. Without a good bar routine, none of them is going to get the kind of score that will bring home first place medals.

The sad thing is that this is through no fault of the girls. They train hard, they juggle homework, they give up play time. But they don't improve on the bars. This is because, instead of looking at the entire team and scheduling more time on the events that need more work, head coach divides the events up evenly among all the levels. The jump from Level 5 to Level 6 on bars is a tough one, both on the demands it makes on their little bodies and from the standpoint of the kind of skills they need to master. The coach who works with them on bars wants to give them more time. He just needs to convince his boss to give it to them.

So the plan now is to give Megan another year of competing at Level 6, which is a bit disappointing, because she was looking forward to leaving behind the compulsory levels and moving on to optionals. But it is appropriate. She's not ready.

A little explanation: competition for USAG women is divided into two seasons. Levels 4, 5 and 6 compete in the fall. These are called compulsory levels because everyone does the exact same routines, down to the exact same music for their floor exercises. Levels 7, 8, 9 and 10 are the optional levels, because the girls/women may choose the skills and create the routines they do themselves. It's more creative, and more interesting for spectators (especially not having to listen to the same boring floor routine music for hours on end).

There is also something called an elite level. These are the women at the top of the sport, the exceptional ones who may be considered for a spot on the Olympic team. There are probably only about 100 elite women gymnasts in the country, and only nine of them (including alternates) get the nod.

Megan gave up that dream a long time ago. She works hard at her sport because she loves it, and she loves the girls she works with. Her goals are more modest: she would like to win a state championship so she can see her name on a banner in her gym, or maybe see a picture of herself in the paper. And even that is a tall order in a state with so many talented, hard-working girls competing for the same honors.

At this year's meet, her All Around score of 35.8 qualified her for 9th place. Her best event this year has been beam, where she came in third yesterday. It was a respectable showing and we went home happy.

Compulsory level girls may participate in optional and invitational meets during the spring, when they are open to the lower levels. Megan's floor/beam coach told me that the plan is to continue competing at Level 6 through next fall, while the girls train up to Level 7. The idea is that after competing at next year's Level 6 state meet, they will move right into their optional season in January '09.

That might prove to be Megan's last year. She has told me that she doesn't want to go beyond Level 7, because the skills she would have to learn are scary.

That is a very rational plan, but (being me) I worry about it. I am a neurotic and thoughtful individual who cannot help but project my own issues upon my child. I know that's not the healthiest thing to do, but I cannot help it. I'm a fearful person and I realize that has held me back from achieving many of the things I sought when I was younger. Now I don't even bother.

I was hopeful that one of the lessons Megan would get from her gymnastics experience was how to succeed despite her fears. I think she has learned that lesson, but I also think that she's only now beginning to understand how dangerous her sport can be. On the one hand, I'm OK with her getting out of it before she does any real damage to her body. On the other hand, I don't want her making that decision out of fear.

And now that I have expressed those feelings, it's time to let go of them. I don't know what the future will hold. I don't know how she is going to feel as she learns new skills and feels more comfortable with them. I don't know how much she is going to enjoy gymnastics as she gets older and becomes more interested in the world outside the gym. I don't know how much she is going to resent the time her sport demands of her when there are other things to do. Or if she will come to resent it.

It's her life, not mine. And I need to trust her enough to let her navigate it herself. I can offer guidance and support, but I can't choose it for her. And I need the strength to remember that.

AARGH.

The good news: Megan's temperature was normal all day yesterday. I was glad her doctor's office suggested we not cancel her annual physical; she was fine and now that's one more thing I can cross off my back-to-school list.

The bad news: She was due for a tetanus booster and she's had a reaction to it. She's fine, but her arm hurts pretty badly; so much that she didn't think she would be able to perform a handstand at gym (which means she can't do her floor, bar, beam or even vault routines).

So she's home another day from gym.

I called MarySueEllen this morning, to let her know that even though Megan would not be there today, it wouldn't affect our planned back-to-school shopping excursion with the girls.

But MarySueEllen had other things to talk about -- namely, how upset she was with the head coach. Again.

She has good reasons to be unhappy with the way he operates. I think we both should have switched to another gym back in the spring, but our girls weren't ready for that, and having made the decision to stay, I've been trying to stay positive about it -- to the point where I'm now on the parent board of directors.

She did have some news for me: gym is cancelled tomorrow, because head coach and one of the other coaches will be in San Jose for the Visa National Championships. So aside from Monday, Megan has missed a week of training. That doesn't bother me as much as the fact that they knew they were going to this and didn't announce it until now. The other gym I had considered has been promoting this event and encouraging their families to attend. If ours had done the same, we would have been there. I know a lot of the other families would have made the trip, too. It's just another example of the things that have started to really annoy me about head coach's autocratic and inscrutable style.

Minutes after I hung up with MarySueEllen, I got a phone call from another gym mom, who gave me more frustrating news: because some of the kids are in a different school district, the training schedule for next week has changed. Instead of training from 9:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. as she has all summer, beginning on Monday she goes from 1:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m.

I had made appointments for the two of us every day next week based on the morning schedule. So I just finished moving her dentist's appointment from Tuesday afternoon to the following Tuesday morning, a hair appointment from Thursday morning to this Tuesday morning, my own dentist's appointment from Friday morning to afternoon... you get the picture. Head coach constantly makes these changes on the turn of a dime and expects the entire ship to turn as quickly. It gets old fast.

He also finally announced the dates for competition. Of course, he only gives the information to the girls who are there, and has no system in place to communicate with the rest of us. The mom who called me said she volunteered to be a go-between, to get the word out, but he wasn't interested in giving anyone that role. I think he LIKES keeping the parents off-guard. It's a power thing with him.

The competition flyer also includes the registration fees for each of the meets we will be entering.

"I suppose he wants the money now?" I asked. I had begged him for the information two weeks ago so I could plan and budget for it.

Yes. He expected everyone to pay YESTERDAY.

Oh well. I'm off to the gym to see if I can get my hands on it and get started.

Psst! Wanna Buy a Raffle Ticket?

Yes, I'm obligated to sell raffle tickets for our non-profit gym -- $5 a tax deductible pop gives you a shot at a first prize of $1,000. Proceeds will be used to pay for financial aid for promising young gymnasts and gym upgrades (including a replacement for our ancient air conditioner -- a necessity in the hot San Fernando Valley.)

I hope you all will forgive me from using my blog to shill, but I do really believe in our kids and I do want to help... and I SUCK at fundraising. So, I've set up some PayPal buttons in the hope that enough of you like me enough to buy a $5 ticket (or a $25 book of 5) by email. All contributions are tax-deductible (Tax ID# 95-3309918).

Please help support these terrific kids in their gymnastics dreams by following this link.