Socal Mom by Donna Schwartz Mills

It Happens in Threes...

I was saddened by Ed McMahon's death earlier this week, and would have written about it -- except that I don't have any great personal anecdotes about Ed, despite the fact that I once worked at the production company that did StarSearch... AND saw him daily when I worked at the Tonight Show. He was the same jovial person you saw every night, offering cheery greetings each afternoon as he passed my desk to go to his office. That's pretty much the extent of my memories of him.

The news of Farrah Fawcett's death was disheartening - but not unexpected. I might have more to say if I'd been a teenage boy in 1976, instead of a 20-year-old feminist college student.

But the news that Michael Jackson died of cardiac arrest this afternoon... now, THAT's something I need to talk about. After all, we grew up together. Well, not "together" -- I never met Michael, although the Jackson family lived in a compound here in the Valley -- a friend of my sister went to middle school with him and was his math tutor.

But forty years ago, when the Jackson 5 burst on the scene, I was 13 and Michael was 11 -- and like everyone else in the country, I watched him grow up. It's hard to believe now that the media portrayed the Jackson 5 and that other group of singing brothers - the Osmonds - as equals vying for the hearts of American teenyboppers. I mean, in a battle of the bands, would you pick "One Bad Apple" over "I Want You Back"? (Or "ABC," "The Love You Save," and "I'll Be There"?)

And then, there was Michael's transformation from teen idol to adult superstar. It began with "Off the Wall," his first collaboration with Quincy Jones -- and went into hyperdrive three years later, with the release of "Thriller." That record is understandably considered a classic - but those of you who are not in your 50's may not realize exactly how revolutionary it was.

I was working in the music industry then, and MTV had only just launched as a kind of video radio channel (it truly was MUSIC television then, playing nothing but videos interspersed with music news delivered by cute, mostly young hosts dubbed "vee-jays"). But there were a lot of gripes that they didn't play any music by artists of color... UNTIL Michael Jackson delivered a one-two punch with "Billie Jean" and "Beat It." Never mind how great the songs were -- the accompanying videos were mind-blowing. I don't know if MTV's racial barrier was deliberate or not, but here was something they could not ignore. Michael Jackson became the first African-American on MTV, and the rest is history.

He cemented his standing with the outrageously budgeted video for "Thriller," directed by John Landis at a cost of $1 million. And then - his legendary appearance on the NBC-TV television special commemorating the 25th anniversary of Motown records, when he performed his famous one-gloved moonwalk.

I thought of him as a tragic figure in his later years. Do I believe the allegations of child molestation? Yes. But I also believe what Michael said years ago about being abused himself as a child. His was not a normal childhood. I am more surprised when child stars grow up to be well-adjusted and normal.

I'm looking forward to the inevitable video retrospectives that will air on the news tonight. I want my daughter to see Michael as I saw him years ago, before the weird behavior, the plastic surgery, the aura of creepiness. That is how I want to remember him.

Michael Jackson, R.I.P.

How I Spent My Blogging Vacation

This has been one of those weeks when I've neglected my blog -- not for lack of interest, but because life keeps getting in the way.

My VA client's business is heating up, which is a good thing, because I really need the money -- not least of all because of the home renovations resulting from our poria infestation. My husband has used this as an excuse to take a sledge hammer to all the things that have bugged him about the house these 13 years... beginning with the mirrored facade that was above our fireplace. He has a plan to make it all look pretty... but everything has to be done in steps and we're not up to that one yet.

I don't like being at home these days... the rooms that once resembled the Pottery Barn catalog now look more like our local Pep Boys. The rest of the place is so crammed full of stuff that used to be contained elsewhere that it's hard to find anything and it's hard to move.

I've been out and about, researching various aspects of the renovation project. I worked with a nice kitchen designer at Home Depot, purchased a new range and microwave hood at Lowe's... and stopped short of ordering new cabinets because my husband and I cannot agree on how to finish our floor, which -- thanks to the poria -- was stripped down to its concrete foundation.

The floor has to be done before the kitchen, because we are planning to install the new cabinets ourselves, which won't be done in the course of just one weekend. Until we're ready to go, they'll have to be stored in our dining room, so we need to have the floor done first.

The problem is the foundation itself. Our house was built in 1961 and has endured two major earthquakes and a burst water main, which was repaired in a rather sloppy manner. There are some huge cracks in the slab, which is how the wood-eating fungus got into our home in the first place. These have now been sealed with epoxy to keep the poria from getting back in...

...but the slab can crack again and the house can get re-infected and I don't want to ever again be surprised by the sight of mushrooms growing in my cabinets. So instead of covering the whole thing up with carpet and tile (which would have been the least expensive, easiest thing to do after being forced to remove my beautiful cherry floor), we're considering just dressing up the concrete slab with polish and veneer. This is a very trendy, high-end type of finish these days (go figure!), which is a lot more modern than my 1961 ranch house... but I think with area rugs, we can still make it comfortable and cozy. We can even choose a stain that emulates the cherry wood we lost, so at least we'd have the same colors.

But first, we need to find out if we can actually AFFORD this. I've been trying to collect bids from three local contractors, and explaining to them why we're thinking of concrete, why we had to remove our wood floors and why our slab is now covered in the ugly blue-gray epoxy designed for garages. And my husband and I have been driving all over the Valley, looking at stores with floors done by these guys' companies (we've not been able to see their work in residences; I guess it's not surprising that most homeowners aren't willing to let strangers come in and look at their floors).

Regarding the kitchen: The Thomasville cabinets I picked out at Home Depot might not be the best fit with a concrete floor; we may want to go back to the drawing board and select something more modern - with cleaner lines. So this week, I drove out to Ikea to see what they had to offer.

And I liked what I saw --  especially the price tag, which is so cheap that we could let THEM do the install.

Of course, there are some quality trade-offs. The Thomasville cabinets are made of wood, while Ikea's are all MDF, and that didn't sound too appealing to me. But once I saw the cabinets in the store's model kitchens, I had to admit that they looked really nice. And I know of some people who have put in Ikea kitchens and have been very happy with them. So I've got their third-party contractor coming to the house next week to measure us for an Ikea kitchen... just in case.

But there's a third option: I have a REALTOR® friend who has done a lot of home renovations over the years, and he's referred me to a carpenter who does all his custom kitchens ("for not much more than Ikea with an install"). So I'm calling him, too.

So that's just one of the things I've been dealing with this week. I'll save my dealings with my teenage daughter for another post... maybe next week.

June Gloom - or Doom?

The annual cloud cover known as "June Gloom" arrived on time today, and it's a good thing -- because this is the day the city has imposed radical new restrictions on water usage, due to California's ongoing drought.

Beginning today, automatic water sprinklers may only be operated on Mondays and Thursdays--and it is ILLEGAL to do so any other day of the week. We are also prohibited from watering lawns between the hours of 9 a.m. to 4 p.m., watering for longer than 15 minutes per station, using water on our driveways or allowing runoff into city streets and rain gutters due to watering.

You are now breaking the law if you allow a leak to go unrepaired, and restaurants are breaking the law if they serve water without being asked.

Anyone discovered breaking these new water regulations are subject to huge fines.

On top of that, the Los Angeles Department of Water and Power has instituted new "Shortage Year Rates" on its customers. The goal is to reduce water usage by 15%; as long as you comply with your water allotment (calculated as 85% of your average seasonal usage), you won't have to pay more (they are calling this the "first tier" rate). But anything over your allotment gets hit with an expensive "second tier" price tag.

DWP has been trying to reassure everyone that the reduction can be made through simple changes like reducing your watering to twice a week (a suggestion codified by the new sprinkler restrictions) and taking five-minute showers.

I have been obsessing over this for a couple of months and so have been driving the family crazy by adopting the role of "shower police:" sticking egg timers in the bathrooms, replacing our shampoo and conditioner with "all-in-one" product and banging on the door when my husband or daughter has been running the water too long.

I understand the need for the reductions; California city residents have ignored our state's water issues for far too long, and this drought is a true crisis -- and may be something we have to live with for a very long time, as the globe continues to heat up.

But I can't help but think that the five-minute shower rule was thought up by a man -- a bald one, at that. I doubt that my husband (who is follically challenged) has noticed the change to all-in-one shampoo. But my hair is less manageable without my favorite conditioner. And allowing myself just a minute or so for shaving my underarms and legs can be downright dangerous.

As for the rest of the family: Have you ever tried to restrict a teenage girl to a five-minute shower? It isn't pretty.

Then then there are those times when you just NEED to indulge in a long, hot shower, either for emotional or psychic reasons. I've long suspected a primal link between water and creativity. I cannot count all the times a solution to a longtime problem has just kind of hit me while I was taking a shower.

I'm not alone: I know a lot of people who have described washtime epiphanies. And I remember reading about famed Hollywood screenwriter Dalton Trumbo, who found it useful to have a typewriter set up in his bathtub.

I'm hoping that if we all stick to five minutes 90% of the time, our water allotment will be able to accommodate the occasional long shower.

Here is where we're kind of lucky to be going through our home renovation right now. With half the kitchen packed up (and the rest of it to get demolished soon), we've been relying on paper cups and plates... except for my husband, who refuses to drink wine out of a paper cup -- with good reason. At any rate, I'm not washing a lot of dishes right now and won't be until our new kitchen as been installed. I checked our water usage for the last month and it's WAAY below our allotment. So maybe reducing those showers and abiding by the watering restrictions will be enough.

Not that the change will be easy: My husband made a mistake while reprogramming the sprinkler system yesterday and it did not go on this morning. I've turned the whole thing off and we're going to have to go back to the drawing board and hope it all works on Thursday.

In the meantime, I was happy to note that today's June Gloom came with drizzle -- so the lawn shouldn't be hurt too much by the water shortage.

July will be another matter entirely,

Memoriam

Thank you to all the men and women currently serving in our armed forces; remembering those who gave the ultimate sacrifice to keep us free and safe.

(Photo taken by my husband at the National Cemetery in Los Angeles, Memorial Day 2007).

Jon Stewart vs Cramer

It's been a sobering day.

I spent the morning at the home of Erin Kotecki Vest, where Los Angeles Fire Department Captain Stacy Gerlich showed us what we need to do to prepare for the next big disaster (be it another brush fire or an earthquake).

As I left Erin's home to pick up my daughter, I returned a call from one of my closest friends and learned that she's been diagnosed with breast cancer. It's stage one, so that's in her favor. But as I said, it's been a sobering day, nonetheless.

So I'm in need of some laughs - which I got when I viewed the following from Tuesday's Daily Show:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Basic Cable Personality Clash Skirmish '09

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Economic Crisis

The smackdown continues tonight, when Jim Cramer shows up as Jon's guest. After today, I can't wait.

No Time to Bask in the History We Made

When Megan was little, I took her with me to vote.

For many years, it was easy. Our polling place was at a house just two doors down the hill from ours. We would hold hands and walk together, and my little girl loved getting an "I Voted" sticker from the poll workers.

It was important to me. I could never understand why so many members of my generation and the ones that followed were so apathetic about voting -- even though, as a lifelong liberal, I could be a poster child for dashed political hopes. The candidates and causes I cared for most usually lose: Jimmy Carter in 1980. Walter Mondale in 1984. Michael Dukakis in 1988.

The Clintons ushered in my personal political golden age -- tarnished by the revelations of Bill's um, extracurricular activities. Too Much Information -- and not relevant, as it had nothing to do with his ability to govern.  It should have -- and would have -- remained private if not for that "vast right-wing conspiracy" that hounded them from the moment they entered the White House. I truly think that Bill Clinton might have been a great president -- if only he had not been distracted throughout his administration by the BS of Whitewater, et al.

And then came the election of 2000. A heartbreaker if ever there was one. But 2004 was worse, because by that time, we could see the kind of administration we had. The evidence that Iraq had NOTHING to do with 9/11 was out there, but people chose to believe Bush and Cheney and they won re-election fair and square. By all rights, I should have decided right then and there to give it up -- my vote didn't matter.

But I suppose those public school civics classes that were a staple of the cold war years made too much of an impression on me. I am a concerned citizen who votes, and I was determined to raise a child who would participate in our participatory democracy.

So we drive to school with NPR news on the radio, and we discuss the issues that are raised on the program. She asks a lot of questions, and I try to answer them as honestly and respectfully as I can. I want her to be able to evaluate issues on her own and make up her own mind. But I also let her know how I feel about things, and why.

Before gymnastics took over my daughter's life, she accompanied me in the voting booth.

This year, I stepped it up a little. I brought Megan with me to a MoveOn anti-war rally. She served as my photographer at the California State Democratic convention. And yesterday morning, she wanted to watch me cast my historic vote.

We no longer have the luxury of a polling place right on our street. The folks who used to give up their garage on election day seem to have decided to give that up, and for the past several elections, our polling location has been a moving target. This time around, we were directed to a fire station on a busy street. We went there as a family yesterday morning -- only to find a line that stretched half a block.

There was no way I could stand in that line AND get my daughter to school on time. So my husband dropped us back at home, and I disappointed her with the news that I would most likely cast my vote while she was at school.

You see, I was a nervous wreck yesterday. I was involved in this election to a degree I'd not allowed since the disappointing Project Survival campaign of the late 70's (a "no nukes" initiative that ultimately failed -- probably because I was actively supporting it).

I was antsy. I could not wait until after school to cast my vote. The registrar was predicting a historic 80% turnout, and suggested going to the polls between 9 and 11 or 2 and 4. Megan had an orthodontist's appointment at 3:00. No, I needed to get there as soon as possible.

The antsiness didn't recede. I indulged an overwhelming craving for carbs. I couldn't focus on work, so I vacuumed the house. And the political news on the television droned on in the background; all talk and speculation. There could be no real news until the polls closed, and that wasn't going to happen for a while -- but I kept the talking heads talking anyway.

And then the numbers started coming in, pretty much as the polling had predicted.

Over the weekend, I'd purchased a bottle of decent champagne, thinking we'd break it open if the election went our way. My husband wanted to open it.

"No, not yet," I told him. "Not until we know if we have a reason to celebrate."

Obama won Pennsylvania. And Ohio. And Virginia was looking -- good.

"OK," I told him. "Good enough."

We sipped our champagne and watched the numbers and at 8:00, with voting over on the West Coast, the news coverage shifted to Phoenix and John McCain's classy concession speech. I got a little tear-y.

A short time later, the world was watching the party in Grant Park, and I started to actually cry.

We're in for a tough few years. I know it won't be easy. But I have faith in our new President-Elect. We will come through the hard times stronger than ever.

Greetings from the California Women's Conference

I'm in Long Beach today, covering the California Women's Conference for LA Mom's Blog and MOMocrats.

Actually, I got here yesterday for an opening night party starring conference leader (and California First Lady) Maria Shriver, TV personality Gisele Fernandez and Food TV's Rachael Ray. (There were other celebrity authors here last night, but I spent most of the evening getting acquainted with the setup here at the Long Beach Convention Center and Arena, and freaking out over the free flu shots they're giving out over at the CVS booth.)

Keep checking LA Moms Blog and MOMocrats today for ongoing coverage of the Conference!

Economic Depression

The uneasiness I've been feeling the last several weeks over the economy took a despairing turn earlier this week. A family of six was found shot to death in nearby Porter Ranch; a murder-suicide.

The middle son was a classmate of my daughter's, from Kindergarten through second grade.

I spent most of yesterday morning trying to help a friend make sense of this tragedy. I spent the rest of the morning writing about it for Los Angeles Moms Blog.

Writing is my therapy. It has always been the way I've coped with uncomfortable feelings. The act of organizing my thoughts and putting them into words usually helps me understand my issues better, and sometimes provides me with a little closure.

But this is one event that's impossible to feel clear about. I'm having a hard time letting go.

I'm remembering the lovely woman who was that family's mother. I wonder if she knew how much her husband was suffering. I wonder if she had any inkling of his plans. Was the family awake when he carried them out? Did they know? Did they die instantly, or were their last moments spent in physical and emotional pain?

The Los Angeles Times is running another article today on the Rajaram family, attempting to explain the larger picture of how the world's faltering economy is placing pressures on people of all income levels.

"Rates of depression and suicide tend to rise during hard economic times. A study that looked at economic shifts between 1972 and 1991 found suicides rose an average of 2% when the economy faltered."

I'm taking a little comfort in that figure - just 2%. Indeed, the article continues:

"...suicides are rare. More common is a nagging sense of unease that begins to disrupt work and personal relationships, and makes problems in other areas seem worse."

And there's the thing that has been making it hard to sleep these past several months. There's the fear. It's not that people I care about are going to snap. It's just a slow, nagging, debilitating malaise, which doesn't help my natural inclinations toward pessimism.

And that is where my head is at as we begin to prepare for Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement. This year, it will be even more somber than usual.

Today's Mailbox

(Thanks to Lawyer Mama, who forwarded this to me):

Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbail...@treasury.gov <mailto:wallstreetbail...@treasury.gov > so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson

What's On My Mind Today

I have 250 messages in my Inbox - and that's AFTER I pared down everything that came in overnight.

Can you say "over-stimulated"?

I'm taking the day to go through my messages, follow up on those that need a response and delete the ones that are no longer relevant.

One reason it's so full is that we had a gymnastics meet over the weekend that required an overnight stay.

Correction: We COULD have driven back home afterwards (in fact, most of the other families did that). But the meet ended around 6:30 and Megan was famished - as she usually is after four hours of physical activity. Actually, the entire family is hungry after these events, and I've learned the hard way that when it's over, we need to have a meal AS SOON AS POSSIBLE - or I'll get battered in the ensuing battle of low blood sugar between my husband and daughter.

We had a nice dinner with one of the other families (who decided to eat before they embarked on their own long drive home) and a good night's sleep in our hotel.

But here's the part that I can't shake. I had been shocked at booking the room that even a two-star hotel in this community was going for over $150 a night. I thought about that yesterday morning, while watching Treasury Secretary Henry Poulson on Meet the Press. Our economic sky is falling, and we shelled out $150+ to stay overnight in a community two hours away; living our lives as if nothing is happening.

And we're doing the same thing next week.

I have very real fears about the future. This is bound to impact the lifestyle of our family and that of everyone we know. It already has impacted us; my husband works for a geotech firm which, until this year, was working on a huge slate of housing developments, all of which have dried up. I am even worried for my wealthier friends; I have no idea what kind of investments are in their portfolios or how leveraged they might be.

I'm afraid to sign the catering contract for my daughter's Bat Mitzvah in April. I'm afraid that after all this hard work to keep her in gymnastics, that in the near future we might have to eliminate it from our budget. I worry that our wonderful new gym might go out of business in the near future; not because of any mistakes the owners make but just as fallout from the mess on Wall Street.

But worrying about every possible bad outcome isn't going to prevent it and all it can really do is make ME crazy. If there is one thing I've learned in my 52 years, it's that it is better and healthier to go through life with a positive attitude.

So I'm going to try to put the storm clouds out of my mind. I'm going to continue to live my life. And I'm going to continue doing what I think I can to make the world a better place.

That's why last night's Emmy broadcast was such a welcome diversion. Even though the five reality hosts bit didn't really work, I think the show was a lot better than last year's disaster-in-the-round. I love the look of the Nokia Theatre LA Live (it seems way nicer than Pasadena Civic, the site of the Emmy telecasts I used to attend, back in the day). I loved the way they evoked the sets from the classic programs of the past. And I even liked Josh Groban's manic medley of classic TV theme songs.

And I agreed with the Academy on many of the winners this year (for a change). I was disappointed that Jeremy Piven won again for "Entourage" - NOT that he doesn't deserve all the awards he's received for his work as Ari Gold - I think he's brilliant. But it would have been nice to see Kevin Dillon win for the same show. Or Rainn Wilson for "The Office." Or Neil Patrick Harris for his legendary work on "How I Met Your Mother." And as much as I dislike "Two and a Half Men," I've always been a fan of Jon Cryer. So they are all winners in my book.

I was pleased to see both "The Colbert Report" and "The Daily Show" honored with Emmys. I swear, Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert and their staffs are doing a better job of reporting the news than the news organizations themselves.

I especially enjoyed tributes to some of my favorite programs of my youth: "Laugh In" was a must-see when I was Megan's age, as was "The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour." I don't think I got what was happening in Viet Nam back then until Tom and Dick Smothers used the war in their edgy comedy bits on that show. They were brilliant, and it really was a big deal when CBS abruptly pulled the plug on them. For years afterwards, there was a billboard across the street from Television City that translated the network's acronym as "Cancelled Brothers Smothers."

I got a little bit teary seeing Tommy accept his delayed award from 40 years ago. He's a funny guy - when I worked at the Tonight Show in the 1980's, I watched him backstage as he did a perfect impression of Johnny doing his monologue.

I got teary again when Mary Tyler Moore introduced Betty White. Again, in my Tonight Show days, the staff would rejoice whenever we booked her for a guest spot (she sometimes participated in sketches, too). Everyone loved her because she was such a delight to work with. She deserves all the recognition of her peers.

Finally, hooray for Tina Fey! I think Alec Baldwin got it right when he compared her with Elaine May. Tina is brilliant and I'm so happy NBC allowed "30 Rock" to stay on the air. Did you notice that most of SNL's nominations were for the episode Fey hosted - which was one of the few really FUNNY ones from last season? Or that nearly all of the guest performance nominations for a comedy were from episodes of "30 Rock"? Baldwin's own Best Actor win was gratifying too - he may have issues in his personal life, but the man is a brilliant actor, in both drama and comedy.

Finally - I'm jazzed that Mad Men was named Best Drama. Although it was a disappointment to discover that last night AMC aired a rerun (I guess they didn't want to compete for Emmy viewers).

All in all, a good night for the TV Academy. And a decent distraction for me, as I'm already feeling better by thinking about something so frivolous. As if nothing has happened.