Some women shop for sport and pleasure. I used to, back when I was in my 20's and single, and didn't bat an eye at purchasing an outfit that would cost my entire (admittedly meager) paycheck. Oh yes, I saw a lot of myself in Carrie Bradshaw -- even if the money I spent on my shoes was just a teeny tiny fraction of just one pair of her Manolos.
But my days of shopping for fun ended years ago: when I realized that there was little paycheck left after paying for a mortgage and other grown-up expenses... and those days were definitely over when I ceased getting a paycheck of my own and became a stay-at-home mom.
I realized then that there was no point in shopping "for fun" because it's not fun when you don't have any disposable income -- and it was easier to resist temptation if I simply stayed away from those enticing window displays and sale banners.
That's also when I stopped subscribing to women's magazines, which seemed hell bent on getting me to part with my money for stuff I didn't actually need.
When I was in my 20's I wondered why married women didn't seem to care about looking fashionable. In my 40's, I finally got it.
That's not to say I keep out of marketplace entirely. Eventually, I need to replace my stuff when it wears out or have a need for a specific item for a specific occasion. That's when I'll power through my favorite stores, find what I need and then get the hell out of there, before I feel tempted to buy something else.
But shopping for my daughter is another matter. For one thing, kids need stuff ALL THE TIME and then when you think you're all finished shopping for them, they outgrow their wardrobes and you have to start all over again.
On top of that, in the beginning, shopping for my baby girl was fun, because everything looked adorable on her. It was like having a real, live baby doll that I could dress and play with.
Then she got older and developed a mind of her own and decided what she liked to wear. That was cool; I want her to think for herself. But as she hit middle school, it became a little bit irritating that she seemed to automatically dismiss anything I thought would look nice on her. I learned to stay out of her way and let her select her own clothes -- every once in a while, she would hit on something I would have picked out for her (which she would have hated if I did not let her discover it for herself).
For the last couple of years, she's done most of her shopping on her own, with friends. If I am with her, I don't even enter the store until she's found what she likes and needs someone to pay for it.
With school starting in mid-August, we did not have an immediate need for back to school clothes. She's been getting by with the same shorts and t-shirts she wore all summer. But last week, she announced she wanted to buy some new jeans and long-sleeved shirts. As her teachers have loaded her up with so much homework that she's usually up past midnight studying, I suggested Saturday would be a good day to buy these things.
"Do you want to invite some of your friends to go with you?" I asked.
"No, I can do it faster if we just go alone," she said.
Fair enough.
I suggested we bypass the local mall (which doesn't have a huge selection) and maybe go down to Santa Monica, because that would feel like more of a fun outing. She agreed.
So we spent Saturday morning at Santa Monica Place, and it was an extraordinary excursion for a couple of reasons.
1. It was a bit chilly that morning, and my daughter decided she wanted a new jacket. We found a cute pleather bomber-style one, which I was happy to buy and she was happy to wear. This is a huge departure from her middle school years, when she refused to wear any kind of cover up on even the coldest, wettest days.
2. When she hit the stacks of jeans at PacSun, she did something that would have been unthinkable just a few months ago. She asked me to stick around, because she wanted my opinion on how they looked on her.
You wouldn't believe how incredibly happy this made me. They were having a "buy one, get one 50% off" sale, so I convinced her to get two (although one pair was technically "jeggings," a word that makes Glennia Campbell laugh).
We ended up having lunch in one of the nice restaurants atop the mall and returned home in plenty of time for her to resume her studying.
It was the most fun I've had shopping in years.
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