Socal Mom by Donna Schwartz Mills

Double Standards for Bloggers and All Other Media

Yesterday, I received a really nice comment after I whined about my lack of professional qualifications:

I hear ya....carving a career out of talent and desire is lots harder than going to school to get some degrees that employers want. But checking out all the ads and widgets on your site, I have to say--you've already got a career. You're a writer.

"You're a writer." I live for comments like that.

But I had to chuckle a bit at Jane's observation that I carry a lot of ads and widgets on the site, because the revenue they bring in doesn't pay for my Typepad service. And I've finally concluded that some of them are more trouble than they are worth.

As of tomorrow, I will no longer be carrying ads from the BlogHer network. As I told them in my resignation letter:

I think it’s probably the best program out there and appreciate the fact that the only significant traffic I get are on the days when my posts are linked under the ads.

It is because I don’t get significant traffic that I don’t earn much from the program, and so don’t expect to earn more from any other program. I’m thinking of dropping ads from the blog entirely.

My reason for this move is the strict standards on when a sponsored gift can be written about. I feel I already disclose when I’ve received something (hell, I disclose when I talk about a product and I HAVEN’T received anything), and television programs and magazines are able to run ads for non-competing products alongside their freebies, which are only ever disclosed in very fine print at the end of the program/book. I realize this is a selling point for your team and I appreciate how successful you have been with it. But I’m tired of what I think is a double standard for bloggers and all other media.

The case in point was when I was asked to remove a post about what was happening during the holidays at Disneyland. Yes, I was able to review the offerings as part of a sponsored blogger event, so the tickets for me and my family were worth about $400. But the topic of my blog is life in Southern California – to some people, that’s synonymous with Disneyland. It’s relevant and a subject I would be writing about anyway (and have written about many times). I disclosed that the tickets were free. It was odd to move that post to the review blog (where it didn’t really belong). And travel publications/shows are given fam trips ALL THE TIME and it does not affect their ability to run ads from other destinations.

When I worked in radio and ran an interview with an artist, I did not have to disclose that I received his recording or attended his concert and received my two-drink minimum for free, courtesy of his record label. When I worked on the Tonight Show and we spotlighted interesting new products, we did not have to disclose that these were sent us by manufacturers eager for the free exposure. Movie critics go to private screenings… and some are flown out to press junkets to interview the artists. Yes, the larger news organizations insist on paying the way of their reporters – but not all do and they are not required to disclose and they are still able to run ads for competing movies.

I may or may not be a writer. I'm definitely not much of a businessperson.

Empty Nest, Part 2: A Dark Place

Passover began last night and I did nothing.

Between the cooking and the cleaning and the polishing of silver and everything else, a seder is a lot of work. And with the kid out of town, what's the point? My husband isn't Jewish, so it doesn't mean anything to him.

I'm feeling very depressed today. Gareth and I had a lovely weekend hanging out together after we saw Megan off... but yesterday, without the pattern of taking care of her needs, I felt lost.

I can see now that I need to start setting the foundation for the next chapter in my life, because in four or five years, she'll be gone and from Monday through Friday, all I'll have is me. And for some reason, I find that really depressing.

I've been hemming and hawing over the last couple of years over going back into the work force. The reason I've thought about it is financial, but I see now that I may need to do that just for my sanity.

There have been lots of reasons I haven't pursued it: the fact that once I tell a prospective employer that I can't come in until I've dropped my daughter at school and I can't work past the time to pick her up and oh yes, I need to be able to stay home when she's ill, and I have to have weekends off... well, that doesn't leave a lot of choice shifts for me, does it?

Then there's the current economy where jobs are not easy to come by.

Finally - and this is the part that's really painful - I'm not really qualified to do anything. I so envy my friends who left big corporate jobs or who were practicing attorneys or other licensed professionals. I spent 20 years in entertainment trying to be a writer but only succeeding at being an assistant. Back then, my computer skills gave me an edge but now EVERYONE has them... and I'm turning 54 this year.

I think my only option is to apply at Starbucks and I expect even they would reject me. I don't work fast and don't possess great people skills.

I'm in a very dark place today and I know that is coloring my outlook on life. As soon as this mood passes, the world will seem brighter.

Too bad I see the writing on the wall. There are more days like this in my future unless I make some changes in my life. Soon.

Preview of the Empty Nest

I have a new post up at 50-Something Moms blog: Bad News for Middle Aged Couch Potatoes.

We dropped the kid off at the airport at 4:00 AM Saturday.

All I can say is: thank goodness for programmable coffeemakers! We had a fresh, piping hot pot ready when the alarm went off at three.

Unfortunately, there isn't enough caffeine in the world to make me feel alert with just a couple of hours of restless sleep. It was all I could do to stay awake during our Saturday morning session with the dog trainer (just two more weeks and we're done with the course, which doesn't mean we've succeeded in training the dog. We all need to do a lot more work).

More check-ins at Farmers Market Powered by Whrrl

Paradoxically, a glass of wine at lunch perked me right up. Go figure. With Megan away, my husband and I engaged in "grown up" activities. We drove down to the LA Farmers Market and lunched at my favorite French spot, Monsieur Marcel. Then we stopped at Crate and Barrel to see if they carried any solutions to our living room shelving situations (what? You thought we were finished with the home renovation? I'm afraid that's a project that will never come to an end). The only weird moment was when Gareth insisted we peek inside the Coach store. He does own a couple of their fine leather products (purchased when we were feeling a bit more flush). I love Coach bags and think their designers do a great job. I just have to wait for the styles to trickle down to Target.

We did not purchase anything, aside from some Shea body butter at L'Occitane for Megan. She's always fought eczema on her legs and insists it's the only thing we've tried that works. If I get to use some too, then it works for me.

I was a little bit afraid that without the kid around, my husband and I would find ourselves with little to talk about. I'm relieved to report that we didn't miss a beat.

DISCLOSURE: I was not compensated for this post. I have no affiliation with the Los Angeles Farmers Market, the Grove shopping center, Monsieur Marcel, Crate and Barrel, L'Occitane or Target.

Friday Travel: The UK Trip Takes Shape

In the six and a half years I've been writing this blog, I've never been able to (a) focus on one topic or (b) set a schedule for myself to write on a specific topic on a specific day. I pat myself on the back just for the act of maintaining this thing so consistently for this long.

But as our upcoming visit to the UK takes shape, I think I'll designate Friday as my day to post updates to the plan.

Now that we've booked the trip and it's a reality (and the tickets and London hotel have been paid for -gulp!), I am finally starting to get excited about going.

I've made this journey to visit my husband's family since 1991 - just before we got engaged - over a dozen trips in all. And there are lots of places we have always talked about seeing, but have NEVER found the time. These include:

• The British Museum
• The Tate Modern
• Stonehenge
• Cadbury World (the real world Willie Wonka experience and you get free chocolate.)
• Beatles sites in Liverpool
• The Lake District
• Edinburgh - and whisky tasting in Scotland

"And I'd like to try the spa in Bath," Megan announced. She never would have suggested that on our last visit. I'd like to go there, too. I just don't think we'll be able to squeeze that in this time around... and we won't even talk about the cost.

However, it looks like we'll be able to cross some of these items of our list: My brother-in-law is looking into renting a cottage for a week in the Lake District. And since it's located up in the north of England, we will have some opportunity to venture out to Birmingham (home of Cadbury - and on the way), Liverpool (a bit out of our way, but doable) and possibly Edinburgh (a couple of hours north of the Lake District).

I have my work cut out for me - but it's fun work. I don't know a lot about these regions, so I'll be spending some time reading up on them.

The one thing we won't be doing on this trip is spending much time in Cardiff (my husband's home town), which is a shame because it's a city I really enjoy.

But at least, I'll have some new experiences to write about. 

Family Attractions in England

Meet Me At SoCal Stuff

How can it be Thursday already? 

I started the week out at a blogger event where I almost got to meet FoodTV Network star and celebrity chef, Bobby Flay... but as that was a sponsored near-encounter, you're going to have to read about it over here.

While you're there, check out how I did on the $25 Cheap Date Challenge, where I tried to prove I could feed and entertain my family for $25 or less. Those of you who know me also know how hard it is to keep me on a budget. See how I did here.