I think the toughest part of living through an economic downturn is that financial anxiety makes it hard to sleep at night. The need to make major home repairs hasn't helped.
I find I have to force myself to live in denial. There are so many things to worry about, I can't function unless I make myself believe they're not really there.
But sometimes, reality sets in and then I can't sleep.
For the first time in my life, I've been paying attention to pharmaceutical commercials, and friends have suggested that medication might be a good idea for me. But I'm afraid I'd become too dependent on it.
So instead, I anesthetize myself at night by playing computer games while watching reruns of old sitcoms until I finally feel too sleepy to stay awake any longer. I put the device away and rest on the couch and let the SATC ladies lull me to an uneasy sleep. And sometimes, I manage to slumber until morning.
When I was younger, I dealt with anxiety and depression by going out on long drives. Gas was cheap and plentiful, and I could easily spend a day just cruising through LA's scenic canyons with my radio on full blast.
I don't get to do much of that any more.
For one thing, it's expensive - not only because of gas consumption, but wear and tear on the car (something I didn't care so much about in the clunkers I drove around in my early 20's), environmental concerns... and TIME. I'm a mom. I need to be back in the Valley at an exact time so I can perform my duties as Megan's chauffeur.
So when the kid got invited to a sleepover in Malibu yesterday, I had an added bonus: an opportunity to see the beach and drive a couple of canyons.
My daughter had some thoughts of her own as we headed up Kanan Road. "I can't believe there are people who have never been to the beach. I really feel bad for them," she said.
I know exactly what she means:
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I dropped her off at her friend's place and drove home via Pacific Coast Highway, then back to the Valley through Topanga Canyon, marveling at the beauty I passed along the way.
No matter how bad things get in California (and I think they will get a lot worse before they get better)...
We'll always have the sunshine, the mountains, and the Pacific Ocean. And seeing them will always make me feel better.
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