The uneasiness I've been feeling the last several weeks over the economy took a despairing turn earlier this week. A family of six was found shot to death in nearby Porter Ranch; a murder-suicide.
The middle son was a classmate of my daughter's, from Kindergarten through second grade.
I spent most of yesterday morning trying to help a friend make sense of this tragedy. I spent the rest of the morning writing about it for Los Angeles Moms Blog.
Writing is my therapy. It has always been the way I've coped with uncomfortable feelings. The act of organizing my thoughts and putting them into words usually helps me understand my issues better, and sometimes provides me with a little closure.
But this is one event that's impossible to feel clear about. I'm having a hard time letting go.
I'm remembering the lovely woman who was that family's mother. I wonder if she knew how much her husband was suffering. I wonder if she had any inkling of his plans. Was the family awake when he carried them out? Did they know? Did they die instantly, or were their last moments spent in physical and emotional pain?
The Los Angeles Times is running another article today on the Rajaram family, attempting to explain the larger picture of how the world's faltering economy is placing pressures on people of all income levels.
"Rates of depression and suicide tend to rise during hard economic times. A study that looked at economic shifts between 1972 and 1991 found suicides rose an average of 2% when the economy faltered."
I'm taking a little comfort in that figure - just 2%. Indeed, the article continues:
"...suicides are rare. More common is a nagging sense of unease that begins to disrupt work and personal relationships, and makes problems in other areas seem worse."
And there's the thing that has been making it hard to sleep these past several months. There's the fear. It's not that people I care about are going to snap. It's just a slow, nagging, debilitating malaise, which doesn't help my natural inclinations toward pessimism.
And that is where my head is at as we begin to prepare for Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement. This year, it will be even more somber than usual.
Recent Comments