My Kid Meets Scott Baio's Life Coach

I think I've mentioned here that I recently became a member of the Board of Directors that runs my daughter's (non-profit) gym. A couple of weeks ago, we put on a special seminar for all the boys and girls team members and their parents.

The event featured a sports nutritionist and a sports psychologist, who talked to team members and their parents separately. I've been planning to write about both of them, but I've been a little bit distracted by all the Hollywood strike talk (which, judging by the uptick in comments I've received this week, is a lot more interesting to a lot more people than the blatherings of a stay-at-home mom. Go figure.)

The sports psychologist was Dr. Alison Arnold, an ex-gymnast herself, who teaches "Mental Toughness Training" to both the US Women's Olympic gymnastics and skating teams. She may also be familiar to television viewers as the life coach who worked with Scott Baio on his recent reality program. (See? I worked in another Hollywood connection. Got to give the people what they want.)

Dr. Allie (yes, that's what she asked us to call her) did some exercises with the kids while we parents listened to the nutritionist (details of that will be in a separate post). My daughter came home with a couple of diagrams she made that illustrate the kind of mental games she needs to learn to play during her competitions.

In the center are concentric circles, with the heading "Flip It." The inner circle contains the words, "confident," "relax," "positive."

The outer circle has the following phrases:

• "Don't let it get 2 me."
• "Tight-mind"
• "Breath"
• "Black out the bad"
• "Don't think about it."

Four arrows point to the circles. They are labeled:

• "Upset"
• "Tired"
• "Scared"
• "Fell on a skill"

At the bottom of the sheet is a notation: "Arrows R Evil!"

Megan took more notes of a similar vein.

When Megan was little, I enrolled her in lots of different activities, each for a short time. She tried ballet and tae kwon do. She took after school art classes. When we signed up for a trial gymnastics lesson, I had no idea that she would love it as much as she did -- or that the coaches would determine that she would be a good candidate for their competitive team. I especially didn't count on how all-consuming this sport would be; not only for her but for our entire family.

Now that I'm used to this sports parent lifestyle, I see the positives about it. Sure, she has very little time for socializing outside of gym. But the other girls on her team are all delightful and these friendships she has made are strong. 

Now that she is in middle school, it is even more of a struggle for her to keep all the elements in her life in balance. But she is learning valuable lessons in time management and follow-through, skills she will need when she goes to college and begins a career.

She claims to have no interest in boys, and so far, I believe her. But when the time comes, she'll have no time for that. True, we do have a boys team at the gym, but they are just as busy training as the girls are, so that's OK. (Now, there is always the possibility that Megan might never end up interested in boys. Somehow, that seems less threatening to me -- less chance of teenage pregnancy or STD's).

And after three years of competition, she is poised to move on to the higher, more interesting levels (for those keeping score, she is doing one more year of Level 6 and then next January will move right into Level 7, which is when she'll be able to drop the compulsory routines and do more of her own thing).

As a parent who has dreams of her daughter getting into a good college, it's hard not to project to the time when she is a Level 10 and can use that as some leverage for a school with a team. And that's where reality sets in. Last year, Megan announced that her ultimate goal was to get to Level 7. And that's it.

At the time, she said she would like to try some different sports, and she can't really do that while she's involved in gym. That's a valid enough reason. But it dashes my carefully designed plan to keep her in gym through college so she stays out of trouble.

The other day, she reiterated her resolve to do a year of Level 7 and quit. "I don't want to go all the way up to Level 10," she said. "The skills they have to do are too scary."

And that, too, is a valid reason.

It is my daughter's life, not mine. Just as she picked this sport, when she quits will be her decision. But I would rather she quit because she wants to try new things -- NOT out of fear. I have spent my entire life defined by my fears. I have had tremendous opportunities in the past (see my Hollywood posts) but blew them all, because of fear. I was hoping that gymnastics would be an experience that taught Megan how to keep fear at bay, and maybe it is.

Perhaps, as she learns her Level 7 skills, Megan will feel confident enough to move on to Level 8, and so on. I am trying to learn to label my dreams as such and to not fight reality so much. It's a struggle, because reality just isn't as much fun. I just need to have faith that which ever path my daughter chooses will be the right one for her.

But maybe we need to explore this more. Dr. Allie was hawking a DVD, which was an inexpensive way to get her counseling on this topic. At some point, Megan and I will watch this together. It couldn't hurt.

Dr. Allie also did a session with the parents, where she distributed a Top 10 Parents Code of Points. I'm proud to say that I'm pretty good with most of them (but do need work with the others). They are:

1. Be your child's biggest fan.

2. Ask curiosity questions, not technical questions. (i.e., "what does it mean when you say, 'flyaway'? NOT "Did you get your flyaway?")

3. Stay out of power struggles.

4. Honor your child's unique gifts.

5. Find the "hidden win" in everything your child does. (Make sure you praise their character -- say "You are" instead of "You do")

6. Take care of YOURSELF. (Can you go on a date with your spouse without talking about the kids?)

7. Include your athlete in family activities and chores.

8. Encourage balance wherever your can.

9. Teach your child good decision making skills.

10. Remember: Gymnastics lessons equal life lessons. Don't forget the big picture.

Comments

[McSwain]

I feel you. My son's only 8, but it's so hard to sit back and watch the things he's good at and wonder what he will choose to pursue, what he will let go... Sounds like you're raising your daughter well--she'll make good choices. :)

[mrsmogul]

I watched two episodes of Scott Baios show and remembered her! Did Scott have his baby yet?