All the Live Bloggers are supposed to be blogging these keynote sessions. So I'm beginning this in the middle.
Mobile Jones: I personally find it easier to get angrier at men, because of the debate you're going to get back. They don't mind the argument - with women, it's going to be an emotional exchange.
I don't mean to slander all women, they deal with the issues. I just find it easier with men because you know they're not going to take it personally.
Aliza: I came to this after a working in mainstream media. Wrote a 4,000 page resignation letter, three months pregnant. There was a man who had not graduated college (I had a Master's) and he was making $17K more than me.
And my email to my editors was emailed by them to others, then emailed to other editors, and then my email was published in a paper, without my permission talking about "the breakdown of this journalist." With words like histrionics, sassy - words that are never said about a man. And so I was essentially blacklisted in this industry. But I had no idea about blogs until everybody started talking about me (you know the crazy journalist who had a breakdown because she was paid less).
Funny, because the last line of my resignation letter is "I'm going back to the mountains to write novels." And about a year later, I sold my first novel - and it went really well.
There was a really creepy blogger who started monitoring me. He got obsessed with me (I think because I was a woman). I started my own blog because I wanted to respond to these jackasses. And the more successful I've become, the more quiet they've become.
Be alert on the words people use. They don't have to slam you overtly - they can do it with language.
Mobile Jones (when asked if her readers know she' s a woman): If they subscribe to my feed. So I'm not anonymous at all.
When I started my blog, because I'm a technology oriented blog, I did have some concerns. But I did put my name on it.
Liza: When I came out as a woman...
Mobile: Did you get flamed?
Liza: Yes. I've been called bitch. And "oh, you're being so dramatic." "It's such an emotional topic." "It's just your issue." "It's not the big picture."
Alicia: They do that by ethnicity, too.
Liza: Does engaging in a controversial topic hurt you? (A topic that came out in the political discussion.)
Mobile: With the advent of Cable TV News/Fox, the conversation has become about the fight. They have to have a couple of pundits, pick your subject and it's about the fight. They set them up to battle it out. Quite frankly, seeing the people beat the crap out of each other is more entertaining than C-SPAN.
Ellen Spertus: Back in 1995, I wrote software to deal with menacing email. So I'm probably one of the first ones to recognize this. Now when someone flames me, I look at it as more research. One idea I had was to come up with a coding system. Let's say some man for example, posts some flame. And then someone responds. I've even thought of sponsorship - maybe if you're willing to write about something that's important, I'm willing to pay $1 for each flame you receive.
Audience (Marian): Has anyone done any research between people who meet face to face vs. when they interact anonymously? We talk a lot about community, but not civility so much.
Audience: I also find that women flame equally. And one of the things I find hardest to accept are flames from women. The flame is usually sort of slow boiling. Men are more direct and in your face. Women like to bond. When I have a problem with one, I buy them a beer, and then we're OK. Men like to one-up each other, playfully. Perhaps we're misinterpreting some of this flame that's coming our way.
Alicia: My entire MO is to avoid stereotyping. I'm uncomfortable with the statement, men do it one way and women do it another way. I find that a little bit offensive and don't agree with it. I like to deal with people one by one.
Audience: Since I publish a blog called Contentious, I deal with a lot of flames. There's a lot of online vermin, and if you go to my site you'll find a lot of articles about them. If this is something that is of concern to you, check out the book --
Mobile: Hi. My name is Debi Jones and I'm a flamer. There are times I use anger to point out something that is important.
Alicia: Having a blog has taught me a lot about boundaries. I've finally now gotten rid of the anonymous comments. When you have any visibility at all, people look at you as a mirror of them. So with me it was tricky - with my second book, I'm going to pick the type of person that I loathe by instinct and make him lovable. So I went out of my way to do that. For me to like her, because if I want to help everyone to get out of the box, then I need to do that.
So I made this a right-wing Republican Christian. So now who is buying the book? Right-wing Republican Christians - and now they're coming to my blog and finding out that I'm not like that. And they're crying.
So I started reading books about productive communication and boundaries. You can get your point across without offending. But it's tricky - it's like ballet.
Audience (Amber): Do you find that closing comments loses you credibility? If you're getting traffic and you're well known, you get these "drive by zealots" and there's nothing you can do about it except have thick skin. You never know who these people are. There needs to be some sort of respect for the author.
Mobile: It's called a policy. Think about Terms of Use. When you get a lot of unruly and disrespectful commenters, a lot of bloggers are starting to put up the rules. This is acceptable and this is unacceptable and don't complain when your comments are deleted. Because these are the rules.
Audience (Dooce): Part of the problem is that you cannot deal with all of the flaming. There was no way for me to protect my readers. I'm looking for tools -- The technology couldn't keep up with my audience. It's gotten too big.
Liza asked Meena Trott of Movable Type/Typepad: I'm moving my site to Drupal because it's a platform that is easy to add a rating system to you can troll-rate somebody and delete their comments. Because regular blogging software doesn't come with that.
Mobile: We're talking a lot about how to react and what to do when anger comes at us. It occurs to me that there was some discussion on the web and people got fed up and they decided to answer this reoccurring nagging question by getting together and having a conference and this was their angry response. It's what we're doing right now. When do you not hold back and let it express itself.
Audience (Liz): For the famous people like Dooce, comment spam and trolls are a problem. But for us little people, thanks to people like Meena, it's not a problem.
Audience (another Liz) The Art of Verbal Self-Defense (book recommendation for women bloggers)
Alicia: I get called a self-hating Chicano all the time. And I'm not a Chicano.
Audience (Jennifer): Heather isn't the only one who gets flames. As a mommy blogger, if you write anything about how you are raising your children, you're going to get flame-o-rama. Even if you only have ten readers. And mommy bloggers -- moms -- tend to be very prolific at tearing down other women for how they are raising their children.
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