As indicated in my previous posts, my contribution to the success of the Tonight Show was pretty minimal (although I dare any TV producer or staff writer to answer his own phones, type/Xerox/distribute his own scripts without any assistants to help. So my role, which did not require an inordinate amount of talent, was necessary).
However, there were occasions when I was called upon to contribute more. Like the time the guys decided it would be funny to write the show's phone number in the stalls of ladies' rooms all over town, with instructions to call during our taping. And then they actually convinced Johnny that this would be a good idea.
Of course, our all-male staff of writers could not implement this plan. That task fell to our researcher (Denise) and me.
And it wouldn't do for us to vandalize the rest rooms of popular dining spots throughout Los Angeles. So after the head writer explained what we would be doing, he handed us a couple of dozen pads of Post-It Notes. He didn't want it to look commercial, so we were to handwrite the following on each sheet:
FOR A LOTTA LAUGHS, CALL JOHN
WEDNESDAY, (DATE)
5:30 P.M. TO 6:30 P.M.
(818) 555-5555
(I'm sorry, but my powers of recollection do not include the actual date we did this bit, or the number of the phone line we'd had installed in the studio for this purpose.)
We took the Post-Its home over the weekend. It took me a couple of hours on Saturday to finish handwriting this on just one pad of sheets; my writing hand was throbbing and I still had 11 more to go. I got myself over to a local stationery shop and purchased a rubber stamp kit and then I called my boss to let him know about it. (I learned a long time ago that it's best not to ask permission - just do it.) Ray's concerns that it would look too professional were erased when I showed him how it came out. Our researcher thanked me for saving us both the discomfort (and time) of handwriting these.
Denise did not come in to the office the following day. A friend had given her free passes to Disneyland; she thought it would be a good idea to target tourists with our Post-It Notes.
That morning, the minute the prop guy plugged the phone into the new line on the set, it rang. The caller was an attorney from Disney, wanting to know who was sticking these inappropriate notes in ladies' rooms all over the Magic Kingdom. They were not amused that this was the Tonight Show and they made noise about suing us. (These people have no sense of humor.) There was no lawsuit. As it happened, few if any of their guests saw the notes -- Disneyland employees ripped them down almost as soon as Denise put them up.
Then it was my turn to distribute my half of the Post-Its. I decided to stick to restaurants and clubs within the San Fernando Valley. I started out at TGI Friday in Woodland Hills and then worked my way east down Ventura Boulevard, popping into as many restaurants as possible. I treated myself to lunch (Friday's) and dinner along the way. At 8:00 p.m. I headed up Lankershim and dropped in at the Palomino Club, where I unloaded the last of my Post-Its.
The following day, the writers prepared Johnny for the bit. In addition to writing the jokes he would tell, they came up with lines he could use for any eventuality -- i.e., if no one called, if the person who called wanted to do more than listen to jokes, etc.
Good thing, too, because the first call came from a man.
"I hope you're a plumber," Johnny cracked, to huge laughter. (Yes, that was one of the lines the guys supplied). The man explained that his wife had picked up the Post-It at TGI Friday (my first stop!) and he had called to investigate. Johnny explained that he was on the Tonight Show and proceeded to tell him a joke.
The next call came from a woman. "Hi, this is Johnny Carson and you're on the Tonight Show," he said. CLICK! Johnny's expression was priceless. The audience roared.
The next woman who called was actually delighted to be a part of the show and Johnny got to tell her a joke.
I thought the bit was successful -- but we never did it again (at least, not during my tenure there).
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